Love and Memories

This is a memoir I wrote for one of my classes.

Love and Memories

Hopeless romantic doesn’t even begin to define me.  The depths to which I am committed to love would astound those who ventured to pursue it.  Love is the center of everything in my world.  As a child, I was always concerned with the welfare of others.  I remember the time when my compassion extended to nature as I carefully mixed dirt, water, and leaves together in order to patch my favorite tree, Barky.  The other children in my elementary school would laugh and throw things at me as I mixed and mixed all during recess, kicking my Barky.  As his crumbling shell would fall away from the trunk, I would cry out and protect him, feverishly patching him with my mixture.  Not a day went by that I was not there to fix him.  The day I heard they were to cut my Barky down was one of the worst days of my childhood.  Before I left school that day, when no one was around, I put my small arms around his huge trunk and wept by him.  Before leaving, I took a piece of his bark to keep.  I still have that piece of my favorite tree; the first thing I loved.

            As I grew up, I started noticing relationships between people more.  The more I watch couples interacting, the more I marvel at what they have found in each other.  The feeling that envelops me in seeing two people happy together is beyond anything I can ever explain.  I long for this feeling in my life.  Often, I look back at my own past, specifically the moments I thought I had discovered love.  I can still remember the moment I saw the first boy I fell in love with.  The aroma of wet paint, sweat, dry erase markers, and spring lingered in the air.  My social studies teacher was rambling on about putting us in groups herself, which I always hoped for in school.  No one ever wanted me in their group.  She numbered us off and I slowly picked up my supplies and started walking, head down, toward my group.  I reached a desk and placed my books down, looking up at the people around me.  Then, I saw him, smiling at me.  My heart fluttered and I quickly looked down, smiling and blushing.  He introduced himself as Justin and I shyly answered back with my own name.  He was funny, cute, and everything my fourteen year old self dreamed of.  Over the course of that year we became close and I fell hard for him.  He, however, did not for me.  I spent the next four years of my life mourning that fact.

            I procured a job as a Veterinary Technician during this time of grief.  I had various tasks including caring for the animals, taking out the trash, sweeping and mopping, and also, laundry.  Of all the things I could find solace in, doing the laundry was it.  Put the clothes in, pour that wonderful smelling “Mountain Breeze Cheer” on top of them, and turn the washer on.  I could guarantee no one would find me there. If all my tasks were complete, I would sit out there alone, listening to the washer turn and just think.  I thought a lot about Justin.  As the washer would spin and spin, I would lean against it and let it shake my body.  Closing my eyes, I would let all of my heartache go for just those few minutes and focus only on the rhythm being created with my body.  It was one of the most peaceful moments of my life.  A lot of self discovery happened while leaning against that washer and I became stronger with each load I washed.

            I began to open up more toward the end of my high school career and allowed myself to meet new people.  One person in particular stands out the most.  I met Nic my junior year while in chemistry class.  He was a nice, quiet boy from Virginia who valued video games over school, but had good ambitions.  I remember the fact that he was such a gentleman toward me.  Often, he would open doors, let me cut in line, and hold my books…the little things.  So, I took a chance one beautiful day and asked him to see a movie with me.  My heart nearly flew out of my chest when he said he would like to go with me.  That night, I was the happiest I had been in four years.

            I went to school the next day on cloud nine, until I opened up my e-mail and read the message from him.  I remember the sinking feeling that started at my throat and slowly, painfully moved down to the middle of my chest.  I can still feel the stinging behind my eyes and the taste of salt in my mouth as the tears streamed.  We stayed friends, but there was some distance from him.  Four months after that letter, he moved away to Virginia without telling me goodbye.  One day, he was just gone.  I haven’t heard from him since.  Having a friend move away is hard.  Having a friend move away without saying goodbye is pure heartache.

            I wish someone would ask me which moment changed my life forever.  The answer would slide off my tongue with no resistance.  It was a beautiful summer night, July 5, 2007.  One of my friends was having a small Harry Potter themed party at her house.  I remember feeling quite happy as I drove my car on this most festive of nights.  The wind rushed into the open windows of my petite car, whipping my hair around, and I breathed in the fresh scent.  Driving at night always did make me happy.  I turned off my car and walked up to my friend’s house, knocking hard on her metal door.  She swiftly lurched open the door and asked me to come inside.  I stepped over the threshold and immediately smelled the tempting aroma of brownies, cookies, and punch.  As my eyes adjusted to the changing light, I saw that the oversized room was filled with people, but my eyes somehow happened to fall upon him.  Sitting against the wall, laughing animatedly, he looked up and smiled at me.  From that moment on, I’ve never been the same.

            Joe came into my life suddenly, brightening my darkened sky with his magnificent radiance.  The happiest part of my day was getting to talk to him.  His voice always stirred my soul like nothing ever had.  I remember the first time I rode in his car and how happy that little action made me.  Mostly, I remember the smell in his car; the smell of him.  It is the most significant smell in the entire world, consisting of a sweet aroma with hints of musk and the smell of something new.  Being around him always made me happy, yet so nervous.  I could not even eat around him for a year without feeling anxious, but deep down I knew why.  Like most stories about a boy and a girl, I had fallen madly in love with him.  I can still feel the butterflies in my stomach, the adrenaline coursing through my veins, and sweat on my hands from the night he finally asked me to be his.  I can even still feel his warm hand in my own and his soft lips against mine.  That was the happiest time in my life. 

The night he let me go was the hardest of all of my nights.  There was a sad glistening in his eyes and his voice cracked as the razor like words whipped through me, shredding my happiness and my heart.  In his car, his scent surrounded me the strongest in that moment, giving me one last whiff of our time together.  The hardest part was knowing I could spend the rest of my life with him, but that he could not with me.  However, our friendship has lasted beyond that time and he continues to be my best and closest friend.  It has been three years since that first night we met, the three best years of my life, and I look forward to the many more to come.  I will always love him more than he will feel for me, but I would rather have him as a friend than not at all.  He truly is one of my greatest blessings. 

            If there is one thing I have learned along this journey so far in my life, it is that people come in and out of my life for a reason.  Each of these people has impacted my life and I have learned crucial lessons from each one that have helped me develop into a better person.  These memories of love and loss are some of the most precious and intimate memories I contain in my young mind.  They will forever hold their places, welcoming me to journey back whenever I so choose to.  I cared for each person in a different way, some stronger than others, but each time I was taking a step toward what lay ahead in my future.  Love, I want it more than anything in the world, but only when it is my time…the right time. 

Reviews

[Levi Levin]

I stopped in and read it again. It was new to me again. Excellent.

[Levi Levin]

I enjoyed reading this story. You have a wonderful heart and I hope prince charming comes riding into your life one day and takes you away with him forever.

I have experienced the feeling of a relationship gone bad and still trying to be a friend and yet be rejected. After trying to give your all, being forgiving, and still be rejected is hard.

Excellent write:)

[Bridgett]

Thank you very much! All of my writing was written during a hard period of my life, but all of that has turned around, as things usually do with time. I now am with the love of my life and he makes me the happiest person in the world :) Thank you for your review!

[Levi Levin]

Thats great! I am happy for you:)