A TAINTED FLOWER

A Story by Blue Bella

Innocence and Guilt. Tormented and Tore apart....

I never saw it coming. I was so blinded by the sweet words and love messages. I never heard the small still voice whispering. “It is not yet time, you deserve so much more, someone better, sometime, somewhere.” I was deafened by the sweet promises that sent me flying on the wings of fleeting heaven. The ever so vigilant me came swooning, head over heels in love with my sweet hero.

Call me Mae. I was sixteen when I met Phil. I was a young, budding flower, delicate yet nobody’s fool. I was not the type anyone could just push and flirt around. I was loved and respected by my family and friends. I was never the kid who was in constant need for reprimanding or spanking. I was a good girl. The one who got almost all the A’s in class cards, the president in the class, a church chorister and everybody’s friend. Nobody ever needed to hurt me, no, not for any reasons at all.

So much for my fame, so much for the entire glorious laurel. I was given the blow on the head; had my crushed as I was hit with the realization… I was Phil’s fool. The hero I thought of him turn to reality that he was villain in disguise. I was his princess and he was my knight. But all along, I was his puppet and he was the puppeteer. I was left with no choice.

It was clear to me; the time for making choices was a way behind me. I have been told long ago, “You should not look for love, you should let love find you.” True love waits. That’s what they told me. So great words, advices full of wisdom. All of which I turned away from, all in the name of foolishness; thus I toppled and fell down.

Where have it all started? Perhaps with the glance or was it that evil smile. Was it all for the touching text messages? Assuredly, it was for the lies I ever heard from him that I made myself believe in. The biggest lie ever heard from him that I made myself believe in " “I value you, I want to keep you chaste until we’re ready.”

I just found myself kissing those lying lips as my hands were busy shielding myself, trying to protect myself from his strongly provoking touches. Not long after, here is what I am to myself now, unchaste…Impure. All the wars fought against his passionate touches became vain as I succumbed to his embrace.

Now my soul is seared, scorched. My whole being is bruised and bleeding. One never has any idea of all the guilt that I am carrying! One could not imagine the pain I harbor inside me as I stare at myself in the mirror. All the success I am striving to achieve is useless. I am so vain and worthless. As I walk the streets, I flaunt “I could break nothing” attitude yet in the inside, I know I am broken.

Why haven’t let go amidst all the pain? I still love him. That is why. This broken lady selflessly loves Phil. This broken lady has never let go of his warmth kisses and hugs. This lady is still very willing to sacrifice for him. If I could have the power to turn back time, I would still do what I did before, I would relive each moment of yesterday, with guilt but without regrets.

Here I am today. Yes, I am still broken. Here I am, applying my own first aid to the bruises and bleeding wounds I allowed myself to acquire. Here I am, repentant but doing nothing. Here I am, still loving him " still allowing my world to revolve around him. Here I am, still devoting my life to the one who does not deserve my selfless love.

© 2014 Blue Bella

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Briana O'Connor

This is a very heart wrenching tale of how love truly is blind and sometimes deaf. It shows that pain can be filled with pain and suffering and can be only one sided. Your words expressed those emotions very well. I recommend adding more depth to your story. Talk more about the girl telling the story, the boy who broke her heart, how he broke her heart, ect. This is a great start. Thank you for sharing and keep up the good work.