All Alone

Just a thought...

 The moon shines in the night sky
 Millions of stars surround her
 But they're all so far away
 There is none by her side.

 A lone ship sails in the sea
 People swarm on its deck
 But with no other ship in sight,
 There is none by her side.

 A red bloom adorns the bouquet
 It sits amidst the white ones
 Yet it feels all alone
 Like, there is none by its side.

 I am all alone
 There is none by my side
 People surround me all the while
 Yet the gap between us is so far wide.

Author's Note

I decided to upload it just the way I wrote it. I know there is room for improvement...so please tell me how to do it.
Which one is better- 'There is none beside her' or 'There is none by her side'?

Reviews

[Sarah]

This is actually very eye opening. Although others might have had a harder time understanding what you were trying to portray, I saw the message loud and clear. ( that must mean I feel just as alone as you.) I find it clever and significant of you to emphasize how even though one can be surrounded by so much, it is close to impossible to truly understand how they feel, ultimately making them not so much alone physically, but very alone on a deeper and more mental level. I love it.

[ExquisiteEyes]

Thank you. I am glad you like it.

[AYVID N]

There is none by her side sounds more poetic and therfore better in this context. The poetry is beautiful and I would love it as a reader. Any improvement/changes have to come from within you as you are the architect of this beautiful piece. Any small grammatical changes are of little consequence thereof. The analogy of the distant stars and the red flower are outstanding. Pen on ExquisiteEyes.

[ExquisiteEyes]

Thank you. I am glad that you like it.

[Coyote Poetry]

Can feel alone with a lot of people near.
" I am all alone
There is none by my side
People surround me all the while
Yet the gap between us is so far wide. "
I like the places you took me with and sometime if we don't know anyone. Can be a lonely place. We need people with the same thoughts and hope near. Thank you for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[ExquisiteEyes]

Thank you for the review.

[Coyote Poetry]

You are welcome.

[AaronFreitas]

I really like this one! The comparisons are spot on and I enjoyed them very much. For me I would break the "there is none by her side" in the last stanza and break it off to be personal.
"I am all alone
There is no one by my side
People always surround me
The gap between us far and wide"

Maybe something like that so it ties the first 3 stanzas into your final one where you express your lonesome . I really enjoyed your words and the way you expressed yourself. :)

[ExquisiteEyes]

Thank you for the review..

[Mara]

i like it :) i prefer 'there is none by her side' but that's just me:)

[ExquisiteEyes]

Okay, thanks :)

[McBear]

Hmm. It seems as if the critiquing is already taken care of, haha. Well this was beautiful and full of imagry. It seems you are trying to convey how this being was always alone and never with anyone else?

[ExquisiteEyes]

Yeah, I just find it easy to write on these type of topics..

[ANTO]

Not trying to be funny but I didnt like the use of 'Like," perhaps you could use 'as' - as there is none by its side.
Phrases like - 'moon shines' and 'ship sails' could be improved - they are such tropes; all too commonly employed in writing.

The message I think - the overall message that you want to convey - that loneliness can and does occur even in crowds - isnt communicated until the last verse with the other verses seem to deal with general loneliness.
The feeling of loneliness is well conveyed though.

[ExquisiteEyes]

Thank you for the review. I will try to improve my writing.

[Bear]

If I may be so bold, your poem reads as individual lines you need to add a few identifying words to tie them together. Using nothing but stand-alone power or statement lines can hinder the flow, see how different adding just two words can change the flow :~)

The moon shines in the night sky
as millions of stars surround her
But they're all so far away
And there is none by her side

[ExquisiteEyes]

Thank you. Your version definitely sounds better. I will keep this in mind.

[TheBubbleManiac]

A wonderful piece that shocked me as I read it. This is well written, and you have a wonderful talent. Keep up the good work!

[ExquisiteEyes]

Thank you :)

[Inject Positivity]

It blew my mind....The comparison is very much matches with human life....I think the concept you are trying to suggest or show is just brilliant....Its absolutely true for me cause i have faced moments like this....Sometimes our life becomes a solitary confinement even if we are living in company of many....Excellent poetry....God bless you my state frnd....

[ExquisiteEyes]

Thank you for your kind words

[annalysiar]

This is well written and as for your question it would depend on the verse. Truth I would alternate like with the moon and the rose for the personal and symbolic reference. But its your call

[ExquisiteEyes]

Thank you for the review.

[annalysiar]

You're more than welcome I'm glad to have read your poem