All Alone

Just a thought...

 The moon shines in the night sky
 Millions of stars surround her
 But they're all so far away
 There is none by her side.

 A lone ship sails in the sea
 People swarm on its deck
 But with no other ship in sight,
 There is none by her side.

 A red bloom adorns the bouquet
 It sits amidst the white ones
 Yet it feels all alone
 Like, there is none by its side.

 I am all alone
 There is none by my side
 People surround me all the while
 Yet the gap between us is so far wide.

Author's Note

I decided to upload it just the way I wrote it. I know there is room for improvement...so please tell me how to do it.
Which one is better- 'There is none beside her' or 'There is none by her side'?

Reviews

[Sarah]

This is actually very eye opening. Although others might have had a harder time understanding what you were trying to portray, I saw the message loud and clear. ( that must mean I feel just as alone as you.) I find it clever and significant of you to emphasize how even though one can be surrounded by so much, it is close to impossible to truly understand how they feel, ultimately making them not so much alone physically, but very alone on a deeper and more mental level. I love it.

[ExquisiteEyes]

Thank you. I am glad you like it.

[barleygirl]

This is a specific type of aloneness. I know the feeling of being the misfit. You've selected good examples that are also good analogies & show us a more far-reaching version of this feeling. The last line of the first 3 stanzas sounds fine to me. I'm not crazy about "like" in front of the last line of 3rd stanza, tho. Everything else reads smoothly & definitely gets your point across well.

[Shielah Yuyama]

You're maybe questioning the impact of your presence to others. You're there, being seen, yet being ignored. You feel bothered who remembers you, who truly cares for you.

Great piece, emotional and easy to read. I really love this! :)

[B. Boileau]

This is a moving piece. The message sneeks up on you, but once read is (as Sarah put it) loud and clear.
A life within a life, spent amongst hundreds all alone...

as to your note. I like "by her side"

bill

[ExquisiteEyes]

Gee..thanks :)

[Owen Aldin]

I like this. I take from this that sometimes when we are surrounded, we can still be so alone.
Also I refer There is none beside her.

[ExquisiteEyes]

Thank you :)

[E G TEN]

Hello Ex, we all have our fair shares of loneliness, and you've
Expressed it quite well in this piece. Although I do believe
That there's no such thing as a lonely place, just
Lonely people. So surrounding my self with
Such vibrant beings is the best way for
Me to cope. I'm not so big with
writing corrections but if you
asked me I would switched
The lines # 1 and # 2
To better the
Rhyming
At First
Stanz.


" Millions of stars surrounds her,
As the Moon shines in the night sky.
But since they're all so far away,
There is but none by her side."

The repetition of "There is none by her side" in all stanzas I believe
Is what make this poem beautiful and in tack, to complement your
Title "All Alone" hopes this helps.

Thanks for the send and the add :-)

[ExquisiteEyes]

Thank you for the review

[Robert]

I really liked this piece and I do like the way your wrote it along with the structure. It reminds me of a piece I wrote "Sideway Smiles". I like how this is a free verse poem and so heart telling.

[ExquisiteEyes]

Thank you :)

[Bohrium Guy]

I feel the imagery is there but as Bear stated its flow didn't work well for me I feel. Although overall you captured the attack, its still a good write.

~Rob~

[ExquisiteEyes]

Thanks. :)

[nupur chauhan]

well i think ... there is none by her side is well suited to the poem

[nupur chauhan]

grt ... gud explanation of being alone ..by using 3 genuine examples ... worthful subject ... i appreciate it ...keep it up dear

[ExquisiteEyes]

Thank you :)

[nupur chauhan]

ur most welcome