Another Day

Another Day

There was a man broke and old

He was drinking out in the cold

Sitting at the edge of an open gutter

His lips ware trembling, trying to mutter

Winds were blowing chilled and harsh

People were passing sparse and fast

Nothing was different as he was ignored

Has survived for long without getting more

Streetlights were shining on his face

It was dull and dirty, sad and frail

His eyes were empty, dried and strained

And he kept on drinking his awful pain

Bottle was empty and he leaned to the wall

Half awake and going to fall

And then he saw a lady on street

Young and rich, elegant and sweet

She gave him a rather curious look

And walked to the club as her arms shook

Old man kept looking with lowered gaze

In shimmery gown she was tromping her way

As she was moving and fading away

His eyes closed slowly and things blurred away

And there was a faint smile, unfinished

Like his life, surviving for another day

Author's Note

English is not my first language

Reviews

[JayG]

If you're going to rhyme, then rhyme. You don't turn it on and off. and you should NEVER bend the line to the needs of rhyming. It's the thought that counts. The rhyme is only an accent to the thought, and the word must be the perfect one for the thought, not chosen because it rhymes.

There's a LOT to structured poetry that's not obvious. The good news is that all the work that has been done to perfect it over the years is yours for the taking.

Hop over to Amazon and read the excerpt for Stephen Fry's, The Ode Less Traveled. You'll be amazed at what he has to say about the flow of words in a language.

And download a copy of Mary Oliver's, A Poetry Handbook. It's a great help.
https://yes-pdf.com/book/1596

But while you work on the skills, keep on writing.

Jay Greenstein
https://jaygreenstein.wordpress.com/category/the-craft-of-writing/the-grumpy-old-writing-coach/

[lilfriend]

Thanks for your insightful comments and resources offered to learn. They are really helpful in improving my writing, hopefully you will continue to give me real feedback.