Today's past

..original chapter one

Reydae, WestGate city.

I grew up in the southern surburbs of a town, which I will describe as being socially boring, although they were few attractive spots which had their seasons. I pretty got use to the lack of fun in my teen years, coupled with the fact that I grew up in somewhat of a christian family. There were certain ground rules and curfew was - although is not applicable to me now, a standard thing.
My name is Devon Mongit. The name does get laughed at most times I mention it . I personally don't think the name's funny, but I guess it has something to do with it's Gandul origin.
At 20, I kind of look older than my age with a good body build, a silent cover up for not being the most attractive of guys around. Well, I still prefer strength to looks,since it's what had got me work.
I had the dream of going to college after high school but that meant a lot of money, of which my parents did not have. Meagre jobs and errands was how I started out. My recent job is the biggest I've ever got. I work in a club - more precisely I'm a barwaiter. It sounds feminine, so I prefer to go with bartender. But my parents won't prefer any of that, so it's my little secret.
* * *
"Hey Dev! You're here early. Ready for the big day?" Micko Graf asked
Micko, a.k.a Slash, a huge 6 ft caucasian the club's bouncer one - yeah the boss liked giving numbers, even the ants around had numbers. I guess.
"Big day? Does anyone get to tell me anything here?" I quizzed.
I had to put more than two ears on the ground, I thought to myself.
"Yeah, the after-sale party."
"What after-sale party? Who's selling and what?" I was shocked
"C'mon kid, you can't survive here if you don't know stuff". Grimacing, he turned and walked away.
I stood confused for a while, then tried calling him but he was already in the other room.
Okay, I know I'm the kind of guy that loves info but how the did I not about a sale, not to mention the party? I had to ask someone.
An hour later, just I and Slash still at the club, I did not dare ask him again because the last guy that didn't pay attention to him kind of got it rough. And did I mention, Slash is a mental case sometimes.
Few minutes later, I was cleaning the glasses and setting the bar when the boss walked in. Fitz 'the boss' Weiton, an ex-convict, not like most guys who work here haven't gone down to jail before, but 'the boss' has been there over five times. Each time getting a minimum of two years for petty crime, drugs, the list is endless. Well, that was back then. Now he's got connections in the force. Maybe, it's not like I'm sure or something.
"Good day boss." Stopping what I was doing. He liked to be called that too.
"Hey Dev! Nice haircut". He said gesturing towards me.
"Thank you sir. I paid well for it" I replied, getting a little red in the face. He winked and turned.
"Excuse me sir, Slash said something about an after-sale party. I didn't know."
He stopped quickly. Then kept on walking without a word. Maybe he didn't hear me.
Soon after he entered the other room, I heard voices, Fitz's voice mostly. It seemed like he was pissed at Slash. I moved closer to know what was wrong.
"You shouldn't have told the kid about the party moron." Fitz said,clinching his teeth I think.

Author's Note

original

Reviews

[Azayliah]

Looks like an interesting story and I think I will probably keep reading. I would have to call this a good draft. My suggestions are:

1. Proofreading: Spelling, wording, punctuation, etc.

2. Descriptiveness: What does the club look like? Smell like? What does he hear and see there? What does Micko look like, other than his skin color? Does he have an accent? And so on.

3. The introduction: This one may be personal opinion, but I think that the introduction of your character might be more interesting if you find ways to give it throughout the chapter/book instead of all at the beginning.