#3 Balancing Two Girls

One girl is fragile and shy, another is daring and forthcoming. Can I have both?

#3 Balancing Two Girls

Part 1

In the dream world described in these Excess Rah Style stories, no child is ever abused. Though there is a girl I keep seeing there who acts like she was abused. I take that back. I shouldn’t be saying that. Abused is a strong word. I don’t know who’s abused, and who isn’t. All I know, is that the people in the dream world don’t know what suffering is like I do. Never have they had to deal with loneliness or pay bills. If she was abused, then it could of only have happened in the real world. She must travel to that world and back like I do. There I go again, assuming that she travels in both worlds like I do. But maybe she does, because she doesn’t like the other people. She considers them to be drones. I like the people in that world, because they’re really nice people. But this girl doesn’t.

I remember that girl. She’s very pretty. In fact, she’s too pretty. Also she’s always dressed over the top, not dolled up with eyeliner and a skirt or anything, but like a package. She’s always wearing a fancy dress with frills, and she always wore a tied ribbon in her hair. Whatever colour she worn on any given day, she was always dressed like that. I remember when I was at my Nan’s house in the dream world, and all they were doing was cussing her for being different. They said she looked out of place, and that she didn’t fit in. She was devastated. She never went there again. They don’t like me either. I think that girl liked me, you know. She would follow me around like I’m on a leash. When she walked, it looked like she was stepping over broken glass. When she stood, it looked like she was alone in the woods, waiting for the next predator. When she talked, it sounded like she was fearing being reprimanded. When she stood about doing nothing, it looked like she wasn’t content with merely standing, like she was waiting for something to happen.

One thing I did notice about the fragile girl, is that she’s not trusting of people. Before she does something, she always looks for affirmation that it’s good before she does it herself. If I was to buy some food that she’d never tried before, and asked her to try it, she would try it, but she would slowly put the food into her mouth.

When I first saw her, we were in the dream world in a room full of people talking. I wasn’t talking much, but for some reason she decided to latch onto me. I don’t know why she latches onto me. When she’s with me, she’s always looking for security. I remember when I was in my house, and I was making breakfast. I thought she was going to make her own cereal, but she never did. She looked at me to make it. She likes to know that there is someone who can look after her.

The girl is loving though, and given the time, she is a nice person to know, even though she is quiet and doesn’t talk much. I wouldn’t bother to visit her again though, she can get a bit boring. There are more interesting people to see.

When I got to the dream world, I landed in Lidl, the cruddy cheap supermarket that they put in the bad areas where the poor people live. Everyone hates Lidl. My Mum must have sent me there on an errand. Entering a dream world to be in Lidl really sucked. Everything about the place screams poverty and tackiness, because of the shoddy design of the stores. They don’t even sell branded food. They sell foreign food. They shouldn’t be called a supermarket, as they don’t even sell rice. Every supermarket sells rice. I remember in primary school in PE, that whenever anyone brang their clothes in a Lidl or Aldi bag, they would get blazed. Not anymore, because of inflation. Back in the day 99 ice creams from the ice cream man actually cost 99p, not £1.50. And that means they had a Cadbury flake in it. I miss the days of having 1 penny sweets. I was happy every time my Mum went to the shop.

I haven't heard of those foreign imitation brands either. What's a Granarom Gold? Where's my Nescafé Gold?

You can onload items, but you can't offload them? If a single mother has a load of shopping for the checkout assistant to pack, where does she place the items after she's scanned them? Lidl is so cheap, that they have to pack as they scan. They can't pack them all at the end like in normal stores.

I was at the checkout waiting, and the fragile girl turns up. You know I’ve never asked her for her name? How sad is that? I don't ask for people's names in real life, I'm shy like that. Asking for someone's name is like trying to let someone know that I'll never see again that I care about them, plus I find asking questions to people hard. I never do that in real life as well. I was in the queue, and she turned up because when I looked to my right, she was there. For some strange reason, the queue wasn’t moving, so I had plenty of time to look at her without having to step forward. She kept looking at me too. She didn’t even say hello. What’s up with that? I don’t even know if she knew I wanted her to introduce herself. Maybe she’s got social problems. She reminds me of that feral child called Genie, the one who the father killed himself and her mother was blind so maybe she never knew. It does because after watching the documentary 2 years ago, I learnt that she refused to talk after being beaten for talking by her final abusive adoptive parent, after she learnt to talk by psychologists who the state would not let look after the child for "legal reasons", when they had been looking after her for years perfectly fine before. I was looking at the fragile girl for seven seconds, and it was getting old. So I continued to wait in the queue looking at the people in front of me, and mind my own business. As soon as I did that, the girl slowly crept behind me. Are people allowed to do that? Are people allowed to just look at someone, and then stand so closely behind them? I wanted to find out how close to me she wanted to get. So I stood slightly to the right. Then she did. When I moved left a bit, she did. Now the queue was starting to hurry up, and shortly, I now had some food in a Lidl carrier bag.

Once I had finished, I stood somewhere in the store facing the window with the checkout now behind me, as I had travelled through. I was stood facing the door, and the girl now was nearer to the door as she wanted me to leave, and she was facing me. We stood diagonally in the room. I wasn’t facing the wall directly at all, and she wasn’t either. I walked up to her, and poked her, just to see how serious she was about getting close to me. She didn’t talk much, so how could I know? I poked her again, to no avail. So I poked her three more times. There was no response. She seemed to like that I was poking her. I then upped my efforts. I put my hand just beneath her shoulder. Seriously? No response. How far into her personal zone would she allow me to get. I put my arm round her waist for a second, and then gave up. I looked at the girl, and then her mouth. Why wasn’t she using it? After I gave up, I was walking out the door, and she turned around to do the same. That's when she started to smile. She was starting to be annoyance. We then left Lidl onto the streets.

When I looked in my hand for the bag, it disappeared. I didn’t worry though, the bag must have magically transported to my mother at some point. Because the girl turned up, the dream became about something else. The direction of the dream changed, it was no longer about me hating going to the shop for my mother. It was now about me being stuck with the girl. So for that reason the bag didn’t exist to me anymore. That’s another thing about this world, if something weird happens that’s not your fault because the direction of your life has changed, then what you wanted to happen, happened. In the dream world, me being with the girl basically is my life. The people in the world live simple lives. So my life, her life, and other people’s lives, wouldn’t be about much else than be about people talking, most of the time.

Having a girl follow me around everywhere and not do anything, really annoyed me. I wished she would go back where she came from. I didn’t see why I would have to put up with a person who would follow me around like she had nothing else better to do. As pretty as she was, I didn't want her around me. It didn't matter who she was. Anyone who stalks me and insists that they go wherever I go, without saying a word, is not a person I want in my presence. They're a hindrance which infringes on my life. I preferred it that she wasn't talking to me, because I didn't have to talk back.

I was a very lonely person years ago, so I started to do some crazy things. I was socially inadequate, and I was extremely shy to approach anyone and start a conversation. I was born 2 months premature, and social skills was the thing I was backward in. I never looked people in the eyes when I spoke to them, I never knew I was supposed to. I was lucky not to be born disabled. So I suppose looking back I could see why I was happy for her to want to be in my presence. My sister says that because people see me acting weird, instead I'm acting shy, but they don't know I'm shy. In fact I'm still shy now, although I try very hard not to be, because regret is the worst feeling I've ever had.

Now to tell you about the people born in the dream world who have lived there all their life. To me, they've lived in a box all their life, and they don't know any different like me. Those dreamos can't ask the questions that real people ask on a day to day basis. They can't evaluate life because they're too happy living it up to question it. I'm different from them. I think differently, and it shows. Just like if you put an Eastern person in a Western country, they have different values, and it shows. The dreamos don't think I'm different because their world is all they know.

I think she likes me because I'm not like the others. Everyone in the dream world is nice, and there's me, born elsewhere. I think she thought I was different. Maybe she knew how to spot me because she comes from the real world too. Maybe her only ambition in life was to meet someone real who she could trust and is nice. Maybe she likes me because she doesn't feel like she's living a real life with the dreamos, and because I'm a person she can trust.

She had never visited me before except for the time I've just told you about. When I was younger, I was always the one who had visited her. I had not visited her for three years for longer than five minutes because I didn't want to. Each time I did see her within the last three years, she was always so boring. I asked myself why I ever made an effort to spend time with her.

The situation described earlier happened yesterday.

Part 2

Three years ago, I was in a room with the same girl. When I entered the dream world, I was in an empty room, and she was in the same room as well. She only ever approached me once yesterday. For the past couple of years before 3 years ago, we only met by coincidence. And years before that, I would seek her out often. I’m not as lonely as I was in the past anymore, so I guess that’s why I seeked her out, because she would always be there for me.

We were in an empty room when I went into the dream world that day, and she just happened to be in it. It’s not very often that I saw the same person again in the world, as people don’t have mobile phones or the internet, which I think I’ve said before in Chapter 1. We were in the room alone, and we had nothing to do, so we were talking about what we were going to do with the empty flower pot I had in my house. We talked about all the beautiful things that we thought it would be a good idea to put in it. The conversation was light hearted, so we also talked about buttercups, stingers and daisies. They were all plants that we did not want in the flowerpot, as they sting or don’t grow high enough.

It was especially nice for her to be talking for once, as it was the first proper conversation that me and her had, apart from what she wants for breakfast, or when she was talking to me about something she didn’t like about the people she was with before I turned up. We were getting emotionally involved in the conversation we were having, and it was nice to see her face keep changing as we spoke. We were standing up, and our body language was relaxed and free.

My girlfriend then entered the room, and she was everything that the girl wasn’t. My girlfriend is daring and forthcoming, and not fragile and shy like the other girl. My girlfriend walked in and pretended I wasn’t already having a conversation. To her, the prettier girl didn’t exist. She walked in and spoke to me and suggested that we go some place else and have some fun. I knew somewhat how fragile the fancy dressed girl was, so I insisted that I didn't. My girlfriend is very persuasive and forthcoming when she talks. She’s confident, and she likes to provoke reactions off me. She always gives me alot to do.

After her trying to get me out the room, and me trying to start a conversation with her to change the subject, I finally left the room. Looking back, I should have told her to leave and let me finish my conversation. I wouldn’t want to be the girl left in the room by herself. Not after how she finally plucked the courage to finally have her first conversation with me. Man, why am I so stupid? Why do I do these things? I should have stayed with the girl, and carried on talking about the plant. Looking back, I think all my girlfriend was trying to do is make her jealous, and tell her I’m hers. Why couldn’t I see what my girlfriend was trying to do? I shouldn’t have been so caught up in her telling me,

“Your life would be depressing if you never had here to go to. You would want to kill yourself.”  My girl was teasing me, and she was at her happiest when she said kill yourself. She knew exactly how to work me up.

“No I wouldn’t. What are you on about girl? You don’t know about my life.”

“Come outside. You can tell me all about your life outside. In here’s small, and there’s no seats.”

“Can’t we just talk in here? Why you always trying to pull me out for? Can’t you see I’m here for a reason?”

I did leave the room though, and I shouldn’t have. Anything I could do with my girlfriend, I could do any day. The other girl didn’t talk often. I basically left her, just so I could chat to my girlfriend, and have her push me across the room, so I push her back. So we’re chasing each other pushing each other around for three minutes flirting. Our relationship is in the early stages, so there is the blossom. It’s the time when we try to get each other, when already have each other. I try to let her know that I’m there and care for her, and she tries to make sure that I know that I’m a special person who is worth the ground that I stand on. It’s weird though, because none of us want to do any chasing. If we meet each other so we can talk, we want the other person to be the first to start conversation and let us know that we’re wanted to be in their presence. I remember when my girlfriend got too friendly with her speech, then as soon as I start to do so one day, she then expects me to do all the effort each time I saw her for a week. I think she wanted me to miss her. You catch more flies with honey, and my girl has caught me, and now she can do no wrong in my eyes. If she drew on my face whilst I was sleeping, I wouldn’t get mad. She tells me I’m special now in her own little way, after that week was over. She’d never once said I was her boyfriend, and I never said she was my boyfriend; she keeps chasing me often to let me know I’m hers, and I do the same. I don’t think I’ll be happier with anyone else.

I still feel butterflies in my chest when I’m around her, and when I’m stood next to her, my legs shake, though nobody ever sees. When I talk to her, I feel a weight pulling down on my throat making it a little harder for me to get my words out. Once she replies to me, my throat is fine. I feel exhilaration around her. I wonder if the other girl feels the same about me. I wonder if she wishes that she had the confidence that my girlfriend had, perhaps then, she would instead be with me now.

Nah f**k it. Why am I looking too into things too much? I’ve got a girlfriend, and I’m happy. I’ve got nothing to complain about. My life is perfect.

Author's Note

Song: Skream - Where You Should Be // Skream - I Give You Everything
I've been in love before. I know what it's like.
I could look at the girl on the left all day. Ask me for the image if you've read this early. The other girl is fit too.

Reviews

[Arianna]

idk if i really like the whole dream thing.
its really confuseing,
if you cleared it up a bit,
like how you get there.
if its a world just for the book
or if you really enter it.
i think it would be much more effective.

[Marie Harrison]

Cool, I loved this chapter. I enjoyed the music too. It went well with the story line. I like the dream state! I liked how you broke it up in two parts too.