#1 My Brother Likes My Best Friend

I wish my brother would leave me my friends alone and mind his own business. My best friend Kimberly was at my house today, and as soon as I opened the door to let her in, my younger brother could not stop looking at her. It was getting on my nerves.

When I opened the door to say hello to her, my brother looked from the landing to see who it was, and he couldn’t take his eyes off her. I turned around, and I saw his stupid face looking at her. He ran off. He should keep his stupid face out of the way of my best friend. I never bother him when he’s around his little friends.

Me and Kimberly then went to the front room and I was talking to her about stuff. My Mum walked in and asked us if we wanted any Pizza and chips. I said yes and Kimberly said she only wanted pizza. Then my Mum asked my stupid brother whether he wanted pizza and chips too. And he said yes. I wish food wasn’t invented now.

So then we had to go into the kitchen and eat pizza and chips. And as we sat at the table, my brother couldn’t stop looking at her. When he was eating chips that had tomato sauce on it, he got tomato sauce on his t-shirt as when he put the fork in his mouth, the fork missed his mouth. The fork went under his mouth above his chin and the sauce dripped. That’s how stupid he is. He can’t multitask. He can only look at Kimberly all day like a saddo. That’s how stupid he is.

At the table everyone was talking about their life. I was talking about how me and Kimberly was going to get our nails done with the nail varnish that we had. My brother asked me why Kimberly wasn’t talking. Kimberly smiled at him, and he smiled back. She only talks to me, I said. He shut up and started eating his chips. Nothing ever good comes out of my brother not eating his chips in peace and quiet. That’s why he’s stupid.

Me and Kimberly finished eating so we got to go back in the living room and do girly stuff. Kimberly had brought a nail decorating kit, so we could do each others nails. I wanted pink nails with a yellow edge.

Later my brother walked in and said that he wanted his nails done. Why couldn’t he leave me alone? All I want to do is be with my friend. I don’t want to be around his friends. He’s too stupid to have cool friends like me. I looked at him cross but Kimberly said yes.

So there he was in the room sat on the sofa, and while Kimberly was doing my nails, he was staring at Kimberly too much. He didn’t even look at my nails. And they were nice. Afterwards he got to have his nails done. Kimberly showed him how to hold a hand out flat, because she doesn’t talk. When my brother tried it, he couldn’t keep his hands straight. He’s so stupid, that his hands were shaking. That’s how stupid he is. So Kimberly held his hand straight, and did his nails with the other hand. I didn’t like Kimberly to hold his hands. He should have done his nails himself.

My brother did something even more stupid. He asked to do Kimberly’s nails. She said no. He doesn't even know how to apply nail varnish. He just paints it like a paintbrush and lets the brush drip all over the floor, because he puts too much on. I saw him, practising it earlier. I've never met anyone so stupid.

When it was time to go, we said bye to Kimberly, and she looked at us and waved.

Author's Note

Let's hope Kimberly doesn't appear in this story again, for the girl's sake.
Imagine if the brother and Kimberley got cosy. o_O

Reviews

[AloysiaVerben]

At the beginning I was thinking 'wow what did her brother do to her' and then I was like 'well he is annoying' XD A good read. I can imagine what would happen if anything happened between kimberley and the brother :O

[xx_strawberry_xx]

At the beginning, i thought the character's anger towards her brother was a bit mean. But then as the chapter continued, it became funny and entertaining. In the end, i was just as annoyed of her brother.
I really loved this. Great job on it :D

[Michael X]

One thing, you've written this with such an ease that it comes across
natural and inviting to read; above others, its humorous, reminds me
of life and growing up. family and friends, it's definitely interesting.
I enjoyed it and the talent expressed is clearly seen :)

[Chelsea]

Very captivating story. Quite funny, a breath of fresh air!
A spelling mistake....
eathing- eating
Grammar, not much to fix at all. I'm a bit worried about how it will unfold. You aren't giving yourself much of a topic to work with...... Your brother likes Kimberly.
We know nothing about Kimberly. What does she look like? Why is he so fascinated with her? What about the brother, is he like this with all girls? Or is Kimberly special? Just asking some question to get you thinking......I don't know if you can see what I mean?
I think maybe to overcome this you need to add a bit more content. This will only make it easier as you continue writing this story out.
But great start, I'm looking forward to seeing how this unfolds!!!
-PoetGirl

[tynamite]

You're not supposed to know what Kimberly looks like or anyone else for that matter. All you're meant to know is that a girl who is a child has a family who she lives with, and every single one of her family is stupid, except for her. She's the only normal not stupid one. All you're supposed to know is how stupid her family is. Not what the characters look like. That would ruin the flow of the story. It has to be punchline after punchline after punchline. Not punchlines but lots of narration to break it up and ruin the flow.

This is more of a diary than a novel, so every chapter is short. If you want to read a novel that is funny, read Familiarity Breaks. I have a copy of the book in paperback, and the book is big.

[Tate Morgan]

Oh my god this so funny and sad lol

[Sssss]

Haha! Loved the chapter~~~
I could totally picture what was going on.
It really does seem like what an older sister would do/say/think to her little brother in situations like this

[Marie Harrison]

Ha! This is a scream. It flowed well and had my attention the whole time. I could see this play out in front of me. Fabulous write.

[nono]

I like it interesting. I can't wait for the whole thing! I started my book, and well nervous about writing. So I'm going around looking at others to get idea's about diologe and narration. Anyway nice job on this it's fantastic! I can't wait for the rest... :D

[tynamite]

If you want ideas about dialogue and narration, read Familiarity Breaks. Also the narration style or tone changes several times throughout the book.

I have some writing lessons here. https://compesh.com/article/13

[tynamite]

Good luck on your book! I hope you've written it. Sorry for the late reply. Writers Cafe only added the "reply to reviews" feature YEARS after the website was created.