#1 Discovery

Along a road of suburbia, lay terraced houses which were built in the twentieth century. In one of the typical terraced houses, lived a family of six. All the terraced houses had a dark roof in the pattern of bricks, the houses had aged bricks, with different dark shades, and they had doors that looked like they had never been cleaned.

The family of five didn't live in any of those houses anymore. The mother left the father and moved out taking the three kids with her. Four family members lived in a flat. In a deprived area where a gun crew resided, there was four flats. All the flats were spaced apart for appearance. The five people didn't live in a tower block of flats luckily, one of the eyesores. Instead they lived in a building called Chandler Square. A square building with a Japanese style roof. It had five floors, and the family lived in a corner section on the top floor, facing the park.

 

The single mother was now setting the sink, so she could wash up after her kids. The hot water was now bubbly. She turned around to collect the dishes from the table to wash, and ate some fish fingers and baked beans that the kids had left behind at lunch time. Now it was time to start washing up. And all was well, because she had sent her kids to the nearby park to play. Now she could watch those talk shows in peace about who's the father once she had finished. At least she still had her televison.

 

In fact she got to watch her television. She also got to watch the episode of Coronation Street that she missed. The mother felt her life couldn't get any worse.

 

Just when she thought that, that's when it started to get worse. Her four kids were now talking through the intercom, trying to get into the flat. Whatever did they want? She was hoping they weren't going to say they were hungry. She walked towards the front door, and let her three kids in.

"It's boring now. Everyone's gone home" one child said.

"At two o clock? Kids aren't usually home at that time."

"Well they are" said another child, "And we're bored."

"Bored? You've only just got in the house yet."

"But we have nothing to dooo", continued the child.

"You're kids. You can find something to do. Go watch your Winnie The Pooh VHS."

"Already watched it." said a third child.

The mother started to get frivolous with her body language. "Oh I dunno! Use your imagination. Go play Power Rangers, or schools, or make a tv station; whatever it is that you do."

The mother walked off leaving the kids by the door.

 

The mother continued to watch tv until...

"Mummm, I want to be the white power ranger, and nobody's letting me." a child slowly moaned.

"Tell them to take turns." The child walked off.

"Mummm, I found some chocolate under the bed. Is it stale?" a child slowly moaned.

"Yes. Throw it in the bin." The child walked off.

"Mummm, people keep switching the lights on and off" a child slowly moaned.

"Stop doing it, it's breaking the lights."

"I didn't do anything."

"Tell whoever's doing it, to stop doing it. I'm missing my tv programme, and I can't rewind." The child walked off.

 

All was peaceful in the house until a discovery was made. The children were happily playing for hours, until the discovery was made.

 

"What's that?" said one of the children noticing a light emitting from behind a radiator, kepy from being on the carpet by a small pipe.

"I don't know" said another child.

"It's only a light" said another child.

"I think we should find out" the first child said. The child looked at the other two children, who were not looking passionate about the mystery object. The first child decided to grab it. The child lay on the ground, and used child sized hands to guide the thing out from behind the radiator. It now lay in front of a pipe and nearly on the brown carpet, which was in all the three bedrooms of the flat.

"Nearly got it" said the first child nearly having it. "I've got it", and the child stood with the left hand on the waist, and the right hand holding the key up in the air, with the arm stretched high.

The two others looked shocked at the key. One's jaw dropped out of shock speechless, and one looked amazed.

"It's glowing" said the one who looked amazed. The other child was not in a state to talk.

 

All four kids were now in the living room, to show the mother the glowing key.

"We found a key and it's glowing" said the amazed one.

"See what happens when you use your imagination?" said the mother with her eyes fixed on the tv.

"We found a key with it's glowing" said the amazed one.

"No I found it" said the one who found it.

"Very nice of you. See what happens when you get along?"

"Have a look at my key" continued the one who found it.

"I'm missing what they're saying" said the mother, with her eyes still fixed onto the tv.

"Just a tiny look."

The mother had a tiny look. "I've looked at it and it's not glowing."

 

That was Saturday, the day of discovery.

Author's Note

Each chapter is 3 pages of A4.
The children's names and characters will be introduced in chapter 2.
I'm not confident with my writing skills. So I don't know whether you'll enjoy it.

Reviews

[Shane Williams]

sounds very intresting so far. Wonder what the key means

[JelliFyshKissUs]

Interesting story. It's one that's been used a bit--kids finding something during their boredom or neglected life that takes them into another world. But I'd like to see how you've developed yours to be different. Your dialog is superb. That is exactly the conversation between mother and children. Excellent job on that. The narration has some places where is seems repetitious and redundant.

For instance: "Nearly got it," said the first child nearly having it.--No need to say nearly twice.
The two others looked shocked at the key. One's jaw dropped out of shock, speechless, and one looked amazed.--Shocked, amazed and speechless seem the same. Might just be better to say that they all looked up amazed.

Some quotes are missing commas before the 'said so-and-so'.--but that's all. Very good start, dear.

[HopelesslyDevoted]

very interesting, keep up the good work. :)

[Marie Harrison]

I love this storyline. I'm very interested in the charchters, what happened to the Mom and Dad, I'm interested in learning more about the building, how they came to live in such a unique building. Cool story!