pain

the pain I went through just to grow

 

Let me begin this by saying you are a smart man young and vibrate but you've to understand that everything that's happening in your life that is all influenced by your action so far you've made your mother proud she might not be here in this world but the next

 

Remember everything bad thing you were told at your younger age that you are none of those add up to you remember what defined you is what you make of yourself and time how wisely you use it the most important concept you’ve to understand is that we are governed by time not laws time determine how far you’ll go in life which is why you need to use the most that you have cause you really don’t know your end road

 

For you to understand how to use time is by looking back see how much time you’ve wasted once it ring a bell you know by now you should apply new management skill to manage your life well and which are the most thing you should apply more on your most important hour and some little things like having fun exciting

 

Traveling to other countries for leisure purpose not every single hour of your life has to be always serious and also never bother your self by trying to find the meaning to life just live and enjoy the given time which is left for you in this world cause once you start searching you forget living

 

And you miss all the most beautiful things you could've experienced but you were busy searching what the meaning to the life you forgot the were other things you could've to enjoy most

You don't search wisdom it finds you and when it come you better know how to use it cause it and it come and goes and another suggest please don't kill yourself with technology and social media let your mind free and once you have insight comes like a rainstorm

 

Cause you were busy too focus on these media your insight blocked by your self-programming your self learn to programme your self with reading the writing and listing to that beautiful insight cause you might just understand who you're truly are

Show some appreciation to life to all your learning

 

Self seeking start with small questions may be asking yourself questions like who am i what is my purpose to life what do i want to become one all these questions can lead to depression but only if you know how to keep it under control you might be lucky not to reach such trouble it begin with misunderstanding things mix emotion and confusion I remember turning 19 years old it knocked me out

 

Until I reach a point whereby i just wanted to sleep every time the only thing I would do waking up hating going to school keep in mind I do not interact with people the I push everywhere away and return home eat do homework and sleep no friends living a lonely life

It felt like the only reality mattered it was my dreams one question I could ask people is have you ever sleep every time and you feel like the only place that accepted you it was in your dreams if you are busy right now claiming life is hard and yet you've never been where I've been

You haven't started living yet depression and the loss of my parents taught me no emotion based fear and the feeling of outcast not belong anywhere I mean I was only a baby when the pass away I hardly know them or remember anything I never got to see them not even a single picture

Still today I've no other emotions besides the ones I mentioned earlier on honestly I don't know how to love trust even today I am still waking under that shadow

 

The only pain I am facing now is a fear of being a parent I wouldn't bring kids in this world just for them to experience the same pain I went through  i know some people might say I am selfish but if you never been my shoes you've no right to judge my action cause that's  far I am willing to get just to protect the lives of the innocent children cause I understand it better than anyone a pain of not having parents

 

Understand the concept of man we most guys always miss interpret the meaning of man and what it means being a man it's all about a male gender who really take care of all his problems always willing to take responsibilities of all the things his accountable of unlike and the man who runs away from the trouble he causes

The way we dress and walk represent and talk to ladies and our elders it really says a lot how you were raised and told the rules of life the fact we all come from different family I understand it clear but in any cause that can't be you excuse cause you should learn on other mans

Who have been taught these teachings cause those principal change you to be a better person and be a greater version of yourself

If I could make an example like xhose culture when you've turned a saint age you are taken to the bush the place it's self represent you child time as through all those months you spend their teachings are taking place that the moment you live that place you

Are no longer the person you used to be you've changed for the better you'll make a fine young man out fine the fighting and trouble which your parents have to solve those are passed we you were still a boy so you have to promise yourself that you cannot take your old ways again

 

It's really simple basics of life that they teach you like be kind to yourself and others always appreciate the people who help you in your times of need and never make others feel less about themselves try at best never trouble a heart of your mother and of those who care about you

The most important part is to all those have hurt you before never do the same for them always find forgiveness in your heart and forgive yourself of all the wrong you've done to others and try your best at free will try to forgive that person who hurt you

Because it all comes to one point who we are to ask for forgiveness if ourself we can't forgive those whose has done us wrong sometimes you just have to forgive and let the high power which is classified as god do the judgment because only he has a right to do some cause none of us are perfect

Never judge people based on the past like whites who have stolen the lands of the blacks the main part of living is understood your past and find forgiveness and move on cause without forgiveness bloodshed will never stop hatred will continue to consume all of the positive that is left in us and turn us bitter to our own people which is a case happening already to us, black people

Violence against our own people envy and more sometimes the enemy is not always the next person you might be the course the only most important rule we have to focus on now is understanding your past in order you can be able to move forward with the present once you’ve mastered the present you’ll only be able to plan for the future

The most important we've to understand is that while stuck in the past you'll never be able to move to the present then master your present future is on the plan that's the mentality we blacks should apply on our life

Other strong point we should  understand you can never beat your enemy if you distance them in your life become his Allie and learn all his plan that he uses against his enemy now that you understand the better you have the better chance of striking he won't see you coming cause he keeps on thinking that you are his Allie

You better understand one thing everything that deals with average always comes with bad ending the best we could do now is not give power to the system to control us and uses us like robots we always fall on the plans could do better then that we black people stand together we unite we divide we fall

Simply thing we should do example you are a manager a work another black come looking for the job you tell him you've hired enough people just know you are killing one of your own sending them to poverty and increasing violence and robbery in a black community

White people never do that they always help one another if we could apply that  in our lives we could become better people and relevant to the level we haven't reach yet we could also become the leading race but as long we doing wrong to one another never trust me karma is a b***h

What you should understand this writing is not from one educated man is based on different collection of observation it's not for you to like it but to give understanding how to better your life and become the leading people this writing is not through education it through wisdom something that cannot be taught to you cames natural based on your

Understanding of your surrounding and how you analyze and simplify problems in your life truth to be told I didn't even finish my matric cause I wouldn't allow the system to study me and see which category I'll fall under after I've finished my studies so that they can juicy me using they tactics of tax payment

And another one thing I wouldn't do is letting the society control how I should wear and what people i should hang out with never let a bunch of people decides what life you should live and choose everything they want you to wear the truth wear what you feel comfortable on whether you bought with a lower price it shouldn't worry anyone else including yourself what you've to know you are not competing with no one

 

It's all your life in that way you live a free life that's what is called freedom best thing you could ever do is buy things lower price and start investing your thousands on bigger things not let small thing worry you in that way you've have found your balance this is mostly referring to the youth and parents educating your children

Hello again it's me this one is for the ones like myself out there I am glad this come across my mind and had time to address it all begin like this yes it's our nature giving to the needy but what I've found over the years of my life giving is undermining if you care so much for that person why do give not teache how get for themselves not waiting for people to do things for them that person who you are giving so you cannot see that same person begging again I am not saying it can be done in that same day it while take sometime at least after you've completed that you'll not only free your heart out of guilty 

But you have accomplished something much greater then just giving temporarily but forever and the same person after they have achieved much in the life they will feel that the is a need doing the same that was done for them also understanding and the power of helping one to learn to find the way of getting things themselves and no longer depending on people to give them everyday life    

We're about to hit 2019, to be honest, 2018 was a terrible year for me lot has happened relocating from zonnebloem to table view was one of the most difficult things for starting a new life with a job and new friends changes of activity new whole lot of thing I guess a whole lot of hard part is spending your most years living a single life

Maybe i would've spoken with my partner of which how I am taking the change of my current life the is nothing as nice as having someone you can trust to talk to I guess when it comes to love I was never a lucky guy anyway I understand cause I struggle with the term love cause I've never been in love my whole life or had someone who loved

Everyone in my life has always been a stranger that's one of the worse impacts of growing without parents different children's home the were moment where I just cried felt like the was something missing no matter how I tried to find things to keep me busy and happy but they all never seem to fill the gape

I came to realization that i had strong bond with my mother it killed me every single minute of my life to long for someone you never seen not even a picture of her I struggle to even love myself and people that who were supporting me but how I loved my mother how could it be I don't know her I beg my mind my bod my soul to release me from that suffering but nothing change

Still today I am asking when will this suffering end all these questions and this bond with a stranger someone I belly knew I can't get my life together just because these things are the only thing holding me behind I can't even get my s**t together I've asked myself the saddest question why me why to do these sorts of things should happen to a baby I would understand

If they pass when I was around 30s or 20s now as child they brought in this world I've no responsibility I've taken care of my own beloved parents man it kills me I mean small things like celebrating birth together taking them to someplace which they wish to travel to giving them grandchildren the only question is how will I make them proud if they are around to see all those things happening

It could’ve been something else not them too many people keep on telling me it made me strong but if you look at this in another way I am facing hell on earth if also on the next I am going to hell then I'll curse  the day God came to existence