Choking Hazards

Choking Hazards

I'm sitting
lonely, as

the darkness eats
at the light within
my very eyes.
 
Surely, I'd love to
drink down the stars,
 
if only they weren't
such choking hazards

5-11-09

Reviews

[Norma J. Jessee]

Wonderful piece James. With a bit of humor. It would certainly be a choking hazard to try and swallow our mass universe of stars. Strange how they look so tiny from where we are when in reality they are so huge.
But they do look glorious when we look up at them at night and take in their wonder.

Love it James.

[Clarisse Nanoit]

Super cute. You have so many poems where the title makes no sense until the very last line. Very intriguing. You know I love your style, homie. =)
KH

[Ladysue]

Wow, this was amazing. I enjoyed this read. I love the beginning a great deal. Nicely done!

[Nancy Lee Shrader]

Congrats on your winning poem! This is really good.

[Brianna Brie]

Interesting poem. One to ponder as to how it relates to my own life. Thanks for sharing.

[Jimmy Greenie]

Very Good. A bit of a funny twist there...stars...choking hazards...:D. Brilliant, if short (not complaining, got loads to read for Quick Contest) poem. Just one tiny criticism (sorry, but it's the only way you'll learn):
lonely, as

the darkness eats
Looks like it should all be one line or something. Sorry, but this could be better without the big gap in the middle of the sentence,
Still good poem