Breathing The Horrors

Breathing the Horrors

 

as blood flows

about our feet,

 

we look on

and sadly weep

 

how long, must this horror

surely go raging on...

 

it is a matter of death

that keeps us here, and breathing

 

3-24-08

Reviews

[vanishing]

a matter of death-to stay breathing
wow.. perfectly said in light of war and soldiors dying
so others can be free and alive,
the entire flow struck me
enlightening, in this regards, you present emagery
from original perspective yet in a way most people
can relate to. pure metaphor
this is a brilliant poem,
powerfully scribed in essence
thanks

[mick weller]

Looks like I'm here for the evening...
about our feet - I see this as metaphorical responsibility?

I see 'to sadly weep' - NO, 'sadly to weep'

how long, must this horror

surely go raging on...
is surely questioning there? as in:

how long, surely?
must this horror go raging on...

or is 'surely' necessary?

'it is a matter of death

that keeps us here, and breathing'

profound: proposing, is it knowing that death awaits us that keeps us alive?

Is 'and' necessary there? It feels like a meaningless sound set before 'breathing' esp after the heavyness of the word 'death'?
thought provoking stuff!

[[untitled]]

Short and sweet is how i like em. This is good. I love the way you use words its almost whimisical i guess for lack of a better word

[Shane]

Probably the most precise way ive heard someone sum up the way our new world works. At first, i thought it was a bit general, and perhaps a little too open minded, but that last stanza, those last words. Man, bloody chilling. To tell you the truth, that pause that the comma creates (That keeps us here[,] and breathing) is perhaps more powerful than you may have intended it to be. Well, perhaps you did intend it, but one way or the other, brilliant stuff. in fact, one question...a Poe fan by any chance??

[Norma J. Jessee]

This makes me want to cry, and think of the war that rages on and I feel so helpless.
This could so easily apply to other horror's as well, the violence in our streets, schools and homes. It never seems to end.

Very powerful message.
Another fav.

[E. M. Murren]

This is a powerful piece. So much horror ... especially when it comes to violence and war. Very true. Well said.

[James Takeo Panton]

I enjoy your poem's structure....another fine piece of work.....