The Battle of Vittle Hill

How will Johnathan Fiddle D Brook get rid of his daughter's cooking? Find out in this comical poem.

Old Johnathan Fiddle D Brook,

Had a young daughter who just couldn’t cook.

She made cookies, cakes, and pies

That tasted as bad as the foulest of lies.

This put the family in a very bad mood,

As they tried to figure out what to do with the food.

Now Fiddle D Brook was getting quite old,

And he had amassed quite a bit of gold.

One summer’s day while the brilliant sun shone,

A figure showed up on the prairie, alone

He said “Yarg, our crew, they need to get paid,

Its yer gold that were after, and we ain’t gonna trade.”

Now Fiddle D Brook, and all his relations,

 They had a plan, a plan for salvation.

So when those foul pirates all started to charge,

They were met by Grandma, who was dressed as a sarge.

She raised up her hand, going higher and higher,

And with all her might, she shouted out “FIRE”.

When all the family had their targets on lock

They threw a volley of cookies, each hard as a rock.

This surprise threw the whole charge aloof,

And one pirate shouted “I lost me tooth!”

They charged again, which was really not wise,

Because this time they were met with stale apple pies.

They pelted those pirates with all that they could,

Until they had thrown every last baked good.

The Pirates sat down, and their wounds they did cradle,

‘Till Grandma came out and beat them all with a ladle.

Those pirates ran off, and never came back,

When they found out how hard ‘ol Grandma could whack.

And Fiddle D Brook was quite happy looking,

Because they got rid of those pirates, AND his daughter’s cooking.

 

THE END.

Author's Note

Hope You like it, I just wanted to write something witty and comical for a change.

Reviews

[Hyacinth]

Hmmm.... I think it was.... hilarious! I'm lying next to my mom laughing under my breath and shes shooting me weird looks 😊keep it up and please don't ever stop writing!

[JoshuaCmngs]

Heh, thanks, I decided to take a break from writing deep and depressing poems, so I just decided to write something whimsical and funny for a change. Also, I really wanted some pie. xD

[Hyacinth]

Why?! Why must you mention pie?! I'm craving it now.

[JoshuaCmngs]

MUAHAHAHAHA I see my evil plan has worked!!!! xD

[Hyacinth]

I hate you.

[JoshuaCmngs]

How can you hate me? Im one of those people you just can't stay mad at. This poem conveys my personality pretty well, most of my other works are channels for my negative emotions so I can be cheery in everyday life. Besides, If I had to go through this, you do to, so Hmph.

[Hyacinth]

Hmph? Seriously? If that is all you have to say, them I hate you even more. Im in England right now, and it is currently 12.36 so I doubt my parents will be happy if I ask if we can go out and get some pie. You MUST feel sympathy for me. YOU MUST!

[JoshuaCmngs]

Fine -Shoulder pat of sympathy- You have my condolences. Although, don't be surprised if you dream about pie tonight xP.

[Hyacinth]

You little-! I will find you and tempt you with a thousand pies, Joshua! Your favourite food will be your demise! Mark my words! 😋

[JoshuaCmngs]

Mahahaha, yes, however I have a plan for VICTORY. I enjoy making apple pie from scratch, and I currently have all ingredients on hand to do so. So, all you would do is make some quality entertainment for me.

[Efflorescence Honey]

Haha, I like it! I'll probably read this in the mornings to make my day.

[JoshuaCmngs]

Thanks, glad you enjoyed it. To be honest, I was craving a sweet when I wrote it.

[Efflorescence Honey]

You're welcome. Oh don't even get me started on sweets. I love chocolate the most. I don't care if that little lady can't cook, I wouldn't mind if she baked me cookies and pies everyday :')