A Verdict Without Justice - Part One

A Verdict Without Justice: Part One

Frenchie’s Confession

(An Appeal for the Nothingness)

Most Gracious, Wise and Prescient Lady,
I am Francis Costello, your unsolvable puzzle,
Gathered up in the crosswinds of grace and chance,
And blown deeply into the pages of an unending book
That I have refused to honor or even acknowledge as mine.

I have lived a life without the will
To make myself known to me.

Now, I am naked;

Now, I am alone!

For the carrion stench of the physical world
Pervades my every selfish act
And practiced hypocrisy!

And my vainglorious ambitions
Betray my reckless fear!

Nothing can be kind to me!
Nothing can give me meaning!

There is only the Nothingness,
Only a dark, empty place for me!
For my every enterprise is based on
The illusions that come before my eyes
And the delusions I foster to make them
Amenable to my vanity and basest desires.

Though I have sensed Your presence in the scent of a flower,
I have not every time sensed it in every flower.
Though You have touched my shoulder,
Never have I turned to You.

I have endeavored to secure
An advantage over everything
And thus, degraded Creation itself!
I have thought only of my comfort,
Only of my ascendancy over You!

I have mocked every benefit of grace
Because my sins are too great, too many,
Too common and too thoughtlessly committed
For me to confess or articulate with an open heart;

Yet all of my iniquities are felt, and all of them condemn me -
Indifference to the plight of others, selfishness, greed, wantonness,
Envy, rank jealousy often, vanity always, murderous, carnal dreams,
Each has filled a cauldron of its own and corrupted my ability to love.

And it matters not whether I acted out my depravity
Against the illusions of the physical world, or
In the context of my wretched delusions;
For they are equally destructive.

Therefore, most Merciful Spirit,
Grant to me the better Nothingness -
Not for my sake, but for the sake of all things
That my life has touched and, therefore, offended.