A Drop of Molten Gold

The First Rhyme of Jean Ami

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He has a quarrel, only one,
That he would have with me �"

And that is how
A light can shine
Upon my vanity

He has that issue,

Only that,

That matters in the end

And how I might unto the death
That light of lights, defend

He has three weapons, only three,
He wields with deadly skill:

One is my fear,
Another doubt,

The other loss of will

For fear is why I suffer him,
And doubt is how I pray;

And sloth is e’er
The faithless hymn
I hum to kill the day

Still, he cannot prevail
Against the church
Within my mind

For I go searching in the depths
And show the things I find

I am a drop of molten gold
That drips into the pit
And blazes briefly
In the dark

On all that may be lit.

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Thoughts of Camille Du Monde: Entry Three

We are taught that every man plays a part in the struggle between good and evil, that each thought he thinks or action he takes will engender some effect upon the world and contribute to the benefit of one of those causes. But no man’s character is so refined that an individual thought or action will contribute only to the cause of good or only to the cause of evil. Indeed, the duality of Man’s nature ensures that each of his thoughts or actions will, in every instance, contribute to both causes, with good or evil being the beneficiary of a larger or better portion. Over time, the bulk of what a man contributes to good may make him that “drop of gold” spoken of in Ami’s rhyme. But no gold is known to be pure, and its value diminishes proportionately to its level of impurity. Therefore, a man should endeavor to refine the good he engenders, as the impurity inherent in his nature diminishes the value of his every good thought and action.

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But that aside, a man’s primary obligation is to prevent himself from going mad from all he sees and does not know. And all hangs upon his answer to one gigantic question: Does his universe have a god within it, or does it not? If God has found a seat within him, he will labor on behalf of God until his mind is full of grace or overthrown by wonder. If not, he will exist less encumbered but only on his behalf, less likely to go mad but bound to live in baseness. Truly, he who would dwell with angels has burdens great to carry: His dreams, his guilt, and most of all the keys that he is given to go forward. He is too over-taxed, and in the end, must turn to grace to help him with the cross he carries. But he who mocks the heavens has simpler rules to follow and the easy answers of his logic. He may go mad, 'tis true, for he cannot know what he cannot know. But he does not need to allot time and energy to those things which are immaterial, and therefore, without value to him.

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Furthermore, a man’s belief or disbelief in God determines whether he views himself and others as divine creations whose lives have an eternal resonance, or assemblages of physical matter that have no meaning at all. And should it be the latter, he will inevitably conclude that what he does to himself or others is exactly equal to what he does not do, since he has no measure to judge the difference between them. Thus, he voluntarily diminishes the value of all things, including himself and those he loves.

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But he who favors God is prone to think in prayers, which may lead to a kind of madness in which the glory of his mind either shrinks into cowardly submission or expands beyond the boundaries God has given. Such men spite the devil and act against Satan in all they do; for they have learned the devil’s way of tainting all good with some degree of evil; and, therefore, strive to amend all evil with some degree of good. But no man’s mind is equipped in such a way that he can serve God and fight the devil. For a man’s role is not to fight God’s battles but to cleave unto the grace that God has given. And he must not seek to do God’s business in a way that brings destruction to himself or others; for in that way, he becomes God’s enemy, as those who witness his pains will not honor God but scorn the wreck that God created.