An Old Friend

          I looked at the dark city of Down Town San Diego. Walking past familiar buildings I had walk past when I was a child. I’d been here many times with Sophia before, when we both about 12, but things were different now. I watched as Sophie took in the things around her, the dark scent of night, the airplanes that flew loudly over head, and I watched her sigh. I knew she missed me, just as I missed her. I missed hugging her and pulling her close. She was my very best friend, no matter what has happened between us.

            Sophia was a bold person. She was average height with gorgeous hair that had a hint of every color in it, brown, blonde, and a lot of orange. She was perfectly all right with walking up to strangers and complementing them, telling them their shirt is cute, or they have pretty eyes. She was never one to hold back. She dressed in whatever was most comfortable for her. No matter how cute something was, if it was not ‘comfy,’ it was not worth it, but I loved that about her. Sophia was also an amazing writer. It was something both of us loved to do. We liked writing novels and poems, about anything and everything. From friendships to trees. So it was sad to watch her be so lonely, as she remembered the tear jerking memory that had happened five years ago- today.

            We watched the people as they passed, but two people’s word stood out from the rest and had both Sophia and I turning our heads in awe.

“Dude! Jason!” One of the two utterly gorgeous guys called to the other.

“Yeah Jazz?” Said the one, called Jason.

I knew the name Jazz would have Sophia spinning, but it was Jason’s name that caught my attention the most. When I was 13, I had tried to write a novel a guy named Jason and a girl named J.D. At the time I was obsessed with twilight, so it ended up being about 2 werewolves that fell in love, go figure? Anyway, I never really finished, but what I had written wasn’t half bad. I described Jason as my dream guy, with blue eyes and messy black hair, and now he stood before me, but would never be able to know whom I was. Sophia also tried to write a novel, about a guy named Jazz (who was a elf) who fell in love with a girl named Gabriel. I was pretty sure, this real life Jazz was getting pretty close to Sophia’s description of the perfect guy.

Sophia, being the lovable, bold person she was; walked up and asked them a question.

“What did you guys say your names were?!”

“Jason…” One said looking at Sophia as if she were an insane homeless man.

“Jazz.” The other one said confidently, giving Sophia a little wink.

I saw Sophia blush. Her eyes glistened, and I knew that she really hoped this would not be the last time she saw these guys. Though it was her eyes told me this, her god-given mouth told me how she was planning to see them again.

“Hey, my name is Sophia. You don’t know me, but when I was 13, I had a best friend name Vienna. When she was 13 she…” I saw Sophia pause, as she forced herself to pull back tears, but I knew she did not want to tell them my story, so she skipped it. “She died, but while she was alive, she wrote a novel, well some of it, she didn’t finish, but I talked to her before she died, and she told me to finish it.” It was true. It was the only thing I asked before I died, because I knew Sophia would never forget.

“The main characters name was Jason.” Sophia pause and gave Jason a little head jerk. “And I have to say, you look A LOT like the way she described him.” This was also true. My Jason, had been a guy with unnatural blue eyes, and shaggy black hair, that looked messy, but perfect at the same time. A guy that looked slightly emo, but without all the death, and whatnot.

“I know it sounds stupid to ask a favor of complete strangers, but can you guys call me some time, so we can hang out or something, I have been trying to write, but I’m in a rut and I need help. I think hanging out with basically the exact people we are writing about will help me finish both our novels, and I need to finish them, for her.”

They paused, looked at each other, and half smiled.

“Vienna?” Jason asked smiling.

“Well, actually, everyone called her Muse, that was her middle name.”

“Muse.” Jason said with a soft chuckle that made me blush.

“Of course we’ll do it.” Jazz said, and then he gave his friend a questioning stare.

“Thanks.” Soph said and she pulled out a piece of paper and a pen. Then, she wrote down her number and handed it to Jazz.

“Weird.” Jazz said. “I have never had a girl give me her number so I could help her write a novel. This is one for the books.”

Sophia laughed, it wasn’t much, but it was the most I heard her laugh since my death. “’K. I guess I’m gonna go home. Call me tomorrow. K?”

Sophia turned to leave, but Jazz got hold of her wrist.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa. What’s with the hurry to get away? Why start tomorrow? The night is young.”

Obviously Sophia didn’t protest…who would? Meeting the guy of their fairytales in real life, come on. She turned around and walked off with Jazz’s arm around her shoulders.

“Yesssssss!” I whispered quietly to myself… oh what the hek I thought no one can here me anyway. “YES!!!!!!!!!” I screamed at the top of my lungs. Watching Sophia as she stare longingly at Jazz, it made me the happiest I’d been in 5 years! I knew it would be hard, but I promised myself, I would repay jazz… somehow. To thank him for making Sophia smile again.

I couldn’t help myself, as my eyes drifted to watch Jason as he walked off after Jazz and Soph. He looked up at the sky, gave a short, warm laugh, and then turns to run back after them.

 

Let me explain things to you. I died at age 13, five years ago. When I died I was given a choice, I could either go to that better place… or stay here, on earth. Well I was reluctant to let go, so I stayed. Although, I have to ability to move things, and enter dreams, I am not the ghost, such as those in children’s nightmares. I am a guardian angel, as most would call it… Sophia’s guardian angel to be exact. I chose, however, not to show my presence, not to knock things over, for I do not wish to scare anyone, though occasionally I will watch Sophia’s dreams, she has a wonderful imagination! I can’t touch people or animals; I just fall through them, leaving a very cold sensation in them.

I do not regret my choice to wander with the living. There is not a day that goes by when I don’t enjoy watching old family members, friends, aquatinces laughing, and loving life.

But jealousy does bare its ugly grin often, for along with loving to see others happy… there is not a day that goes by when I don’t wish I were alive again.

Author's Note

Ignore grammar mistakes.

Reviews

[Pookie]

This is a wonderful first chapter. But I do have two things that are wrong with it.

"Walking past familiar buildings I had walk past when I was a child."
I Think it should be: " Walking Past these familiar building I had walked past when I was a child." Its good but I think it would be better like this.

"Although, I have to ability to move things, and enter dreams, I am not the ghost, such as those in children's nightmares."
And this one should be if its okay with you: "Although, I have the ability to move things, and enter dreams, I'm not the ghost that are in children's nightmares."

And It really is a good first chapter can't wait to see what happens next. And Jason seems rather HOT!!! If I do say so myself. Mind if I get his number? Lol.

[Bluerealis]

Hmm...Well, I did get yor PM (forgive me, I haven't been on this website very often as of late!), and because I am looking to be more active on here, I thought I'd give it a shot; help someone else out in the process.

To be honest, I thought this was going to be incredibly dull and cliche, and there are some cliche parts, but as a whole I ended up wanting to read on. Here is the constructive criticism part, which I believe you are able to take in a mature manner:

Try to avoid introducing characters the way you did Sophie. That is a writer's downfall!! Try to avoid at all costs giving the bio of your characters right off the bat. The reader doesn't care if she's "average height," and we don't want you to tell us that she's "a bold person"--we want to find that out on our own. "Show, don't tell" is what I keep written across my mind as I write, and it keeps me from explaining tedious details that readers just want to skip. Instead, incorporate how the characters look as the scene plays out. Another thing is, you told us Jason had "messy black hair" twice lol. That was a little annoying to me, but, hey...some people might've forgotten XP Continuing with the "explanation" critique, maybe instead of Vienna explaining her situation at the end, maybe you could let the reader wait to find out what happened to keep us in suspese--and have Sophie explain it to someone else (Jason?) when she is ready to.

Another thing that made me a little leery is how quickly Sophie warmed to Jason. This is a city, and Jason and Jazz are strangers regardless if they look like Vienna's character. Sophie is bold, yes, but she is also very naive, and that actually makes me like her less. I think it'd be really interesting if at first she denied being with them and had doubts about trusting them, but slowly warmed to them and then finally discovered them to be the characters of Muse's work. In general, I thought Sophie became "finally happy after Muse's death" wayyyyy too quickly to be taken seriously. :/

One thing I thought was VERY interesting, was how Sophie wants to finish Muse's novel. I love that part--I think it adds a whole new slant to everything, and adds freshness to your story. To keep that "freshness" going--and this is only a suggestion--maybe you could have Sophie start to fall in love with Jason as well? Then it would be this gut-wrenching tragedy that Muse's best friend is starting to love the man that she loves. Ohhhh....that would be sad but soo worth the read! Just a suggestion :)

Overall, I liked it. I think there needs to be a little more attention to some setting details (sight, sound, scent, sense), but overall a good start. I like that you brought us right into the action. Keep writing!!!

[/suggestions]

[Lunar Lightning]

Well I really like it actually. I do think you could add a little more description of the surroundings though. You have really great imagery and a lot of potential to become a writer one day. I, too, am working on a book. I only have the prologue done so far, but I'd like some feedback from talented writers like yourself.

Great Job,
Luna

[SugarlessGiRL]

Got ur message~ honestly there's nothin' here to fix, it's seems like such a... bittersweet story so far. I like it, good job. So far, I don't see any reason why something as good as this couldn't be published as a book. It's diffidently up to par! Some parts even put a smile on my face, which I haven't had one all day. Nice writing, keep up on it. =)

[Wolfie]

Hello I feel bad that I just scanned through but I'm reading it on my phone I hope to read it under better circumstances soon. I really enjoy what I have read tho I suggest maybe adding some parts with intense detail so much that even a broken bottle could have a like story and I love all your odd names gives it a more I don't know fairy tail feel? Haha keep it up!

[QuietPoet]

This was really a good start. I like the idea and the flow. I wanted to keep reading and I will continute to. Nicely done.

[The Wanderer]

I like it, the story is really great and you wrote it so well. Its an interesting concept and
I would like to see you write more to it.Just keep on writing more to it and keep it like
it is and I'm sure it will turn out great :) I'll review it if you email me so just email me when
you need something read

[xGenevaxx]

i got your email, yes. ahaa, and so noow im reading it [x
acyually whne i read your email, i wasn't very interested (no offence) cos' for 1) i was reaally bust=y and 2) i like love stories not dead stories.
So w/e... but i read it and i LOVE it.. ftw. ahaa.
i like how she is always w/ her bestfriend i mean, its so cute and how she screamed was really funny. HURRY UP and write moooreee!!!!!!
....
.....
Please...? ahahaa.
but yeah, realyy great job! i hope you publish this book. [x its that good iw ould buy it[x ahaa

[unspokenguilt]

Very creative and entertaining, I absolutly love it!
:) ear

[Babbette Francis]

Lovin' it so far. 13?!... wow! Very good.
I love ghost stories and this is very interesting start.

..going on to the next chapter : )