Guilt

You feel guilt

Not that they’d ever want you to

When you smile and they’re still gone

They’ll always be gone

How many years have to pass before you can feel something that isn’t touched by that loss

How many times do you need to hear that time heals all wounds

How many times do you have to smile and nod and pretend it was true

I didn’t make her go

I wasn’t inside her, dividing and multiplying

Spreading through her

I was indifferent

I was disbelieving

She would always be there

She would be my emotional center no matter what

I couldn’t believe the worst would happen

And when it did I failed

She loved me

She made me feel happiness

And I feel like every time I have to fight to remember her face without a picture I’m betraying her

I can’t remember her voice

It’s been three years and it’s gone