White Flowers

The mind is stronger than the body.

White Flowers

by Trevor C. W.

I don’t understand how it all came to this. Maybe I should have done things differently. Perhaps I somehow deserved this in return for attempting to end my own life. This is all just a cruel reminder by life to let me know I fucked up and am now receiving my punishment. I have nothing to give anymore. All I have left is the life slowly draining from my 8 year-old daughter’s eyes in the form of her warm blood spilling out onto the cold pavement as I hold her rag-doll body in my arms. Allow me to fill you in on some things and open up a window into my past.

 

 

I was depressed. Not down, not sad, but seriously depressed. My life was falling apart as I desperately struggled to hold it together. Work was getting progressively worse. It was difficult enough trying to keep my job, let alone not just walk out and quit all together. My family had tried being supportive of my life choices, but they only offered generic advice and almost always useless help that they would soon forget about as they moved on from my problems. I had no friends, no significant other, no social life whatsoever. I was lonely and thirsting for companionship of any sort. Getting out of bed in the morning was a difficult task in and of itself, not to mention maintaining a healthy diet or remembering to eat that day. And at some point, I just couldn’t take it anymore.

 

 

I wanted to live life how it is supposed to be lived. Go to school, finish college, find an amazing girl and a great job. All eventually leading to marriage and a family who I would always feel at home with. But this is just a fantasy at this point. In my 23 years on this earth, I will only remember my failures and how I will only continue to fail. I had finally given up and just wanted a release from this repetitive hell I was living in. I already made preparations for this night. It was a quiet evening and most people where already home and asleep before work tomorrow. I was on the fourth story of an apartment building down town, although not in the busiest area. I walked out onto my balcony and approached the cement ledge. The air was brisk and I could feel the slight breeze that carried the smell of busses and bars from blocks away. I crept slightly towards the edge until I had decided that this was it for me. I fell swiftly into the concrete sidewalk below.

 

 

This is not how it ended, however. The next thing I know, I’m waking up in the hospital gasping for air. My entire family is there, a nurse, and I see a blurry image of white flowers by my bedside before I once again lose consciousness from shock. I’m guessing I had been in there for at least a few hours; enough time for my family to arrive and IV’s to be more permanently set in place next to the heart monitor. It all faded to black again until I was able to awaken without immediately passing out. Fighting my disorientation, I am able to make out the voices of some family members speaking to the nurse before my vision proceeds to sync with my ears. My plan had failed, just like everything else in my life, and I was back to the land of the living.

 

 

After spending a couple of days in the hospital recovering, the nurse had told me that it was nothing short of a miracle that I survived. People have died from much less before. I enjoyed her company and she had a soothing, calm voice that always made me feel secure when she was around. She was a beautiful young girl, about my age. She had gorgeous, long, blond hair with piercing blue eyes, and stood at about 5'9". She had the kind of eyes that just make you lose your train of thought from staring deeply into them for far too long. Her name was Jessica and she saved me from my personal hell. To spare you the time and details, we ended up getting to know each other fairly well and continued meeting up after I was released. A year and a half later, I proposed to her and we got married six months after that. She was my guardian angel, my saviour; the one who picked me up when I was down and the one who kept me going.

 

 

We moved into the suburbs and started a life together. I found a better job and she continued her career in the medical field. Not long after we were married we had a little baby girl. Lily became my entire world. Every time I had been depressed, for every moment I doubted myself, she made up for it all. She immediately grew to be the love of my life. I was finally content. Every memory I have with my daughter is one that I will hold close to me forever. Playing in the snow and giving her presents during Christmas and seeing her beautiful eyes light up. Her smile when I taught her how to ride a bicycle in the summer time. I love her with all my heart.

 

 

My family was around more now that they had a reason to visit. My sister and parents would come for the holidays and to see Lily growing up a little more each year. She was the type of girl who just melted the hearts of everyone around her. She had bright blue eyes and dark brown hair that flowed smoothly to her shoulders. Jessica and I could not be any happier than when we spent time with our little girl. This is what life was supposed to be like. It brought tears to my eyes when I think of what I could have missed out on had I been splattered across the down town city sidewalk years ago. None of that mattered anymore, though. I had it good now.

 

 

I wish I could end on that note, but like you might have expected, things started to go haywire. It all started when I got an odd call from my mother. I picked up the phone expecting to answer her silly questions about how Lily is doing in school and how her precious granddaughter has grown another inch. But when I answered, she just started talking before I could even say “hello.” She said, “You mean everything to me, Jason. You will always be my baby boy. I’m so sorry I wasn’t there for you before. I love you so much, I’m so sorry. Please forgive me.” Any attempt I made at talking back with her was ignored as she kept going on with her speech. Then she just hung up.

 

 

I tried calling her back, but with no avail. At this point I’m really worried and nobody seems to be returning my calls. This is until my phone started to vibrate with my dad’s programmed ringtone. I answered and tried explaining what had just happened with mom and asking if she was in trouble. He didn’t listen to any of my pleas for help. Ignored, just like with my mother. “Son, you mean so much to me. You are my only boy; I wish things didn’t have to end like this. If I could do it all over again, I would have been there when you needed me the most. I was too distracted with my own problems to see that I was neglecting you. I hope you find peace.”

 

 

I was speechless and worried out of my mind. My parents were both in some serious trouble and I had no answers at all. I couldn’t risk not making the hour drive to see them. I called Jessica and explained what had happened and that I would be going to go check on my parents. She agreed it was best if we all went and said she would sign Lily out of school and to pick them up there. Her hospital was within walking distance of Lily’s school, so it was convenient for us to carpool most of the time. I got in my car to leave work and hastily flew through the residential streets. On the way there, my sister had finally returned my dozens of calls from before. She didn’t speak, only cried. I wasn’t able to get a word out of her. I yelled her name and did everything I could think of to ask if she knew what was going on with mom and dad.

 

 

I had to hang up. Trying to talk was proving to be more useless than ever. I made it to the school in what seemed like ages, even though I had been doing well over the speed limit. While trying to pin point my wife and daughters location, I had taken my eyes off the road. It would be the last thing I would ever regret doing. I look forward again only to see a blur of color fly over my bumper and on to my windshield. I was in shock of what just happened and looked around for someone to validate the realness of the situation that I quickly found myself in. I see Jessica to the right of my car running from the sidewalk. My head twitches back to my shattered windshield to see Lily’s face motionless and holding on to whatever life she had left. My heart sank.

 

 

I grabbed my now limp daughter from my car and set her flat on the ground. I don’t remember what happened as I was in and out of tunnel vision. All I can recall is the look on Jessica’s face until I came to the realization of what just happened. As Lily’s lungs exhaled, holding on to whatever air was left in them, I see her eyes start to lose movement. My body grew numb and a wave of heat swarmed over my body. I killed my daughter. I can’t believe I just killed my little girl. Words cannot describe the hate I felt for myself at this moment. It seemed like eternity until I was aware that Jessica had not moved from standing up beside the car and Lily. She just stood there with a blank face. No emotion, no tears, just a blank stare. Almost unsettling as she was focusing her eyes off into the distance. I could only think to myself that she will never forgive me. Nothing I can do right now will make this go away.

 

 

I cried out to her and asked her for help. No response. Minutes passed before she kneeled down beside me, still with her blank stare, and put her hand on my shoulder. The only words she was able to mutter under her breath were, “I hope you find what you’re looking for. May God rest your soul.” It was at this point that I began to feel dizzy. My tunnel vision crept back from the back of my eyes. The world was swirling before me like a merry-go-round. I passed out completely within seconds. I couldn’t see or feel anything inside this void I had fallen into. The only thing I can hear is a faint hum that gradually became louder and louder. It evolved from a hum to a continuous beep that didn’t seem to end. I'm able to hear a voice. My mother is speaking to someone, but I'm only able to make out a few words. "We're ready." I am able to crack open my eyes for just a moment before the energy escapes me to continue.

 

 

Blurred motions turned into vague images before they became clear. It was Jessica. She looks so beautiful, so stunning; like the day I first met her. She stepped back to reveal my parents and sister. They had all been obviously crying with used tissues in their hands and red eyes. I look over to my bedside through my peripherals and see the white flowers. Flowers I recognize from years ago. White lilies had turned brown and hung over the glass vase. I go to cry out and ask for my beloved daughter, but the air isn't in my lungs. The strength isn't there to take another breath. Then, everything is black.

Author's Note

First short story I've ever written. Intended for Reddit and r/nosleep.

Reviews

[Dalton Holt]

This was very compelling and intriguing. The scene where he runs over his daughter is quite powerful, but like the rest of the story, lacks detail. This is the problem I seem to see in everyone here, a high lack of detail and imagery in their stories. I also noticed you rapidly alternated between past and current tense, which is quite confusing. But I think this was still quite good and I enjoyed reading it.

However, I don't understand the ending at all. I see that he ends up in a hospital, his whole family is there, and then he dies. Somehow, the same flowers left many years ago are still there even now. How are the same flowers still there? How did he die? What was wrong with his parents? There are major plot holes in the story and even the main mystery is left unsolved.

[Trevor C. W.]

Yeah, I do notice that I often have a bad habit of switching between present and past tense. I guess this is more or less a rough draft. I have decided to tweak it a little to help the reader figure out more or less what's going on. Instead of hanging himself, I think he will actually end up jumping off the balcony. By the end of the story, it needs to be slightly implied that he was on life support the entire time. And by the end of everything, his family finally decides to remove him from said support. Just need to fix it up a little more and change a few things. Thanks for the review.

[Dalton Holt]

Okay, I understand the ending now, but only because you explained it to me. Make sure you find a way to make the ending clear to all readers. How can you enjoy a story if you don't get the ending?