Dancing in the Rain

 Growing up, my life seemed to be crowded by violent storms. My first experience with loss was when my dad died when I was in middle school. That’s when the storms began to move in. My mom turned to alcohol to make her problems go away, but instead her choices only opened up the world of addiction. My older sister soon followed in her footsteps, leaving me trapped in a world of hurt and pain. They were often drunk, and I learned to stay far away from them when they were.

         I hated being part of their family; I was old enough to know that this isn’t what life should be like. I was torn apart when my dad died, but left with no one to piece me back together.

         I also started hating life; why were all these things happening to me? I went from the girl with enough friends to get by, but turned into the girl who sat in the corner and never talked. I felt that if I distanced myself from people, maybe I could save myself from the pain of losing someone again.

         At night I could never sleep and I felt that I was all alone as I went through the hurricane my life had turned into. It was as if I was walking through a tall, dark valley with no one next to me. Not only that, the flood waters were coming again to rip me away from the last few handholds I had found to keep me going forward.

         What is life to live, I thought, if no one cares who you are? I started slipping away, I stopped talking, and I let my appearance slip too. Frankly I just didn’t care about anything anymore.

         In the midst of all this suffering, I never saw the boy who always sat next to me in class. I was completely thrown off guard when he actually said something to me.

         “How come you never talk?” he asked one day as class ended. I looked up into his dark blue eyes; puzzled that someone like him would talk to a no-body like me.

         “I…um…,” those were the first words I had spoken in a couple weeks. The weight of the words felt foreign on my tongue as I struggled to actually communicate.

         “What are you trying to hide from?” he asked.

         “Everything…people……pain…” I looked up to his eyes and I could see them filled with sadness.

         “You know, I’ve always seen something in you. You’re a smart and beautiful girl and I think you’re afraid to show the world that. I’m Ryan by the way.” He held out his hand for a handshake, and I slowly reached out my hand to meet his. The feeling of human contact sent a jolt from my heart throughout my body.

         “Are you doing anything this Friday?” he continued. I shook my head ‘no’.

         “There’s a county fair and I thought maybe you might like to join me?”

         My brain was trying it’s best to process what he had just said, but it wasn’t working fast enough. A boy just asked me to go somewhere with him, someone actually cared for me even though I couldn’t say the same.

         “I…um…sure, I’d like that.” A smile instantly lit up Ryan’s face as I could see a weight had lifted off his shoulders. I felt a small weight lift off mine, but I was still tied down and sinking fast.

 

         “Look, you can see the whole city from here,” Ryan said Friday night. We were on the Ferris wheel, and stuck on the top, just like the romance flicks my sister and I use to watch. I slowly looked around and saw lights streaming off into the horizon. The world seemed like a much larger place and the people much smaller.

         As I was looking out over the expanse of lights breaking through the darkness, I felt his hand slowly take hold of mine. I looked over at Ryan and found him looking at me. Although for some reason, I felt he was looking through me. It was as if he could see all the heartbreak, all my sadness, everything that had happened to me; and yet, he didn’t care that I wasn’t perfect.

         Suddenly I felt a drop of liquid fall onto my arm, and looked to the sky in time to catch a raindrop on my face. The ride started moving again as everyone was told to get off.

         By the time I was on solid ground the rain was coming down even harder. Not only did it dampen the ground, but it damped my mood as well. My first night of fun gets washed away, just like me in the valley.

         Ryan could tell I was upset by this, and reached his arms up to hold on to me.

         “You know sometimes the rain isn’t always bad. It brings new life and washes away the pain of the world.” All I could do was look into his eyes and watch as his dirty blond hair became plastered to his head.

         “Sometimes,” he said, “Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass; it's about learning to dance in the rain.” With that he took my hand and led me farther into the fair. We ran, and danced, and when we were soaked to the bone all we could to was laugh. He wrapped his arms around me and slowly brought his lips to my forehead. That simple act was all it took to free my soul as it broke out from the cage that I had locked it away in. All I could do was smile.

 

         That storm was just one of the many that my life had experienced and I knew there would be many more. Ryan taught me that good things can happen to me and that new life can come out of this battle. That night I learned a lot, but that night I finally learned how to dance in the rain.

Author's Note

This is one of my favorite quotes- I hope you like it!

Reviews

[run vs remember]

Awesome. Really well written. Really meaningful.

[Cherryblossom]

One of the best I have read in a really long time. Ryan is your hope in a sense. Truly beautiful :) I enjoyed this from start to finish.