Rise and Shine.

A Story by Pen_or_sword

My morning.

7:00 AM

His alarm goes off, it only takes him half of a second to snooze it and then half of a second to slip back into a light sleep. This is a temporary fix, but the only one he has. He’ll take it.

7:10 AM

His alarm goes off again. Why does he even snooze it? It’s inevitable it’s not going to wake him up. Hope I guess. Hope that this morning will be different and that for once he will leap out of bed at the sound of it. Hope gets really tiring. This time he turns it off because the sound makes his ears bleed. He’s made the mistake of making his favorite song his alarm one too many times. No matter how soft or how meek they are, all sound intrusive and screechy in the morning. His brain starts turning a little more and only bad thoughts come. The small, nagging things are the worst. There are thousands of them. A full seven hours of having to try. Try to pay attention, try to be nice, try to socialize. What’s worse is he didn’t do the small, nagging things from yesterday either. Or the small, nagging things from yesterday’s yesterday. Or the small, nagging things from several yesterdays before yesterday’s yesterday. Too much to think about. Sleep is easier. Night night.

7:20 AM

His Dad comes in. His Dad is too bashful. Always loud and clumsy in the morning. No bedside manner. The Dad would make a terrible doctor. So loud it infuriates the boy. The first of many social interactions of the day. Why are they all such a pain. The boy has gotten good at pretending. He still doesn’t know how to laugh though. He doesn’t pretend in front of his parents though. He doesn’t have enough control or energy for that. He has to save it for everyone else. He feels bad, but they can take it. They love him. Love him so much that he doesn’t understand. Its bittersweet, to see how strong love can be yet how painful at the same time. The boy hopes that he is capable of love that strong. His parents make him feel selfish. The Dad gets up from the boy’s bed, and the boy can finally stop gritting his teeth because the Dad’s breath is no longer on the back of his neck. I guess that could be a metaphor for his day to come. Despite the Dad’s last line of fluffy encouragement, telling the boy it’s “time to face your demons”, he stays in bed. I mean, who tells you to face your demons? Demons are scary as hell. Lucky for most people they don’t face their demons everyday. The boy is probably just weak, he thinks, no one else can see his demons. Maybe he looks too hard. None of these thoughts make him feel better. He feels weaker even. His bed will give him strength, he thinks. But in reality it just buys him time. Keeps his feet off the floor for a few more minutes. He sets a timer for 16 minutes. That should give him enough time to throw sweatpants on, grab his keys, and make it out the door by 7:42. Night night.

7:36 AM

It’s fight or flight time, and he doesn’t want to get into the cycle of missing school again. He jumps out of bed because time will permit no slower pace if he wants to make it to school on time. Urgency is a hell of a drug. Sedates even the worst case of procrastination.

7:42 AM

He’s a mess, he probably forgot something, but he's in his car backing out. Only 15 minutes behind schedule... right on schedule. He drives like a lunatic, except when he sees that family friend of his dad. He doesn't want to give him the wrong idea. He wonder how many people have seen him in this state of complete disarray. The behind the scenes.

7:45 AM

The music helps. He plays it loud. Gives him confidence, helps him put on his face. Makes him feel strong. First bell just rang.

7:49 AM

He pulls into school and parks his car in a spot. It's a s****y park job, but hey, he’s in the lines. The franticness throughout this journey is terrible. But it’s the only way to do it. After a nice sprint towards class, he’s at the door. He tries to catch his breath, and holds the handle for a moment. He won the first battle. Kind of. Only a few hundred more. If he had the strength to get out of bed, he has the strength to walk through the door. The worst part is the eyes. Everyone looking at you. Just smile. Just smile. Here we go.