Dark Fear

A Poem by tumi

intense

Dark Fear

A burdensome task as the courier
For my lord’s sole heir,
Young and soft, a beauty untouchable,
With eyes as pure as dawn's first light.

In the dim bar, her gaze lingers on me,
As though I were more than a servant's shadow,
As though her eyes saw something deeper.
Still resentment brewed, though she was gentle and fair,
I turned a blind eye to the love
That flickered in her gaze,
Her kind words twisted in my mind,
As contempt grew within.

Annoyance washed over me at her gentle words,
So kind, yet misplaced in this cruel world.
“Whites don’t love black, why all this?”
The clinking glasses of beer
Arose my fear,
Like the n****s at my back,
Saw my discomfort,
The HI’s and winks
Were met with a bowed head.

I tried to glare away,
But she grabbed my arm,
Smiling sweetly, but strangely,
Too calm was her soft radiance,
The moon’s texture, so great.

I felt like a fool,
In each nudge and joke,
Amidst her dazzling grace,
She ought to be cruel.

Her eyes shone bright, a being refined,
Endowed with a beauty
Words could never fully define.
She lay slumped, lifeless beneath the weight of drink,
Her body limp, still as death’s embrace.

I called her name, but silence struck back,
Her breath reeked of liquor, sour and sharp.
“Yes... hmmm,” she mumbled within
The pangs of sleep.

My eyes grew pale with uncertainty,
I wrestled with fear and care,
But my instincts probed�"
I grew pale, my eyes grew old.
The sting of liquor lingered in shallow breaths,
Heavy beneath the grip of summer’s heat.

She mumbled, lost in feverish dreams,
Her words like broken sighs in steady rhythm.
I gathered her frail body in trembling arms,
Panic surged, fear gripped my chest.
My heart pounded
like a hammer�"
as I fought the weight
of guilt and dread.

I helped her stumble up the narrow stairs,
Laid her gently on her waiting bed.
She stirred, restless in her drunken haze.
In the dim light,
I stumbled through shadows,
My hand brushed her skin�"
horror gripped
my heart.

I pulled away, but the weight of shame held me still.
Too late�"she sought warmth in the darkness,
Her innocent face, a deadly temptation.
Her body stirred, as if time itself had stopped,
Her eyes ensnared me, pulling tighter than any knot.

The toy’s gaze struck me
Like bolts of light;
Each time I grew closer to her chin,
Their frequent stares
Heightened my fears
As I struggled with the battle within.

In an instant,
Her mother appeared in the doorway,
Blind to the truth, to the burden I carried.
I froze, bound by time’s unyielding grip,
Her mother’s blindness shielding my silent guilt.
“Mary, it’s your mother,”
She whispered with grace.

I clutched the sheets, closing her breath,
Desperate to stay still,
As death loomed near, heavy and surreal.
The lights creaked,
doubling my fear�"
Still I held on,
still in fear.

Her final breath came slow,
a bittersweet peace,
a shadow beside me,
my greatest fear�"
the weight of guilt, forever to be borne.

“The n***a rapist ought to be lynched,”
they’d say, their whispers echoing,
haunting my thoughts�"
But I never did, neither did I touch�"
Scared of the present,
where truth lurked in shadows,
the future a haunting blur.