My love for thee

MY LOVE FOR YOU

 

In boundless depths, my love resides,

An ocean's sway, where heartbeats abide.

Through every vein, a truth unfolds,

In eternal life, our love forever holds.

 

You're dawn's radiance, day's gentle light,

A Christmas miracle, pure delight.

In your eyes, my soul finds peaceful shore,

With you, my love, I'm forever more.

 

My love for you is wild, free, and strong,

A Nile-like current, where hearts belong.

New as each dawn, our love forever grows,

Pure as sunlight, that blooms life's rose.

 

With every breath, my love will be,

A constant heartbeat, wild, carefree.

As numerous as stars, my love shines bright,

A treasure rich, like golden mines in sight.

 

In every world, my love will thrive,

Through every moment, our hearts survive.

In eternity's realm, our love will live,

If heaven permits, I'll love you, till time gives

Author's Note

feel free

Reviews

[Fabian G. Franklin]

try this for a last line; (and every wrong, our souls forgive) if you like it, keep it. If not, keep what you have. I liked the piece but the last line seemed forced. Just trying to help... F.

[Tumi]

thanks for the kind review, I'm considering your suggestions, and I'm open to any critique or viewread morethanks for the kind review, I'm considering your suggestions, and I'm open to any critique or view
thanks for your help, time and consideration

[JayG]

Another huge step upward. Prosody is right on.

Most of what I have to say are personal quibbles:

• On the page “You're dawn's radiance,” works, because the apostrophe makes the meaning clear. But does it when speaking? For me it reads as “Your dawn's radiance.” The thing to keep in mind is that poetry is meant to be spoken. One handy editing trick is to have the computer read it to you, to catch such things.

• With “With you, my love, I'm forever more,” again, when read I “hear” forevermore, an adverb. You could insert an ellipsis to keep that from happening, I suppose.

• “like golden mines in sight.” Umm... How do you see gold mines? 😄

But of more importance, do YOU like this format? If so, a suggestion: You’re doing pretty well with the AABB... couplet structure. Have you tried ABAB...? On a longer piece it eliminates the “rocking horse” feel of recurring couplets.

And, one of the most fun poems I’ve found, Robert Service’s, The Cremation of Sam McGee uses a repeated AAB that establishes a drumbeat as you read it. Broken down by rhymes:

There are strange things done
in the midnight sun
By the men who moil for gold;
The Arctic trails
have their secret tales
That would make your blood run cold;
The Northern Lights
have seen queer sights,
But the queerest they ever did see
Was that night on the marge
of Lake Lebarge
I cremated Sam McGee.

You can read the whole thing here:
https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/45081/the-cremation-of-sam-mcgee

[Marie]

A finely penned poem studded with visual detail and many heartwarming phrasings of love. Lovely work! Thank you for sharing, Tumi...

[Soren]

Full of beautiful imges and comparisons it is very nicely written with touching expressions of love. Beautiful