howling gale

untitled

HOWLING GALE

So strong was the strength of the gale

It refuse to take away my sufferings

Howling with weakness

Lifting all but meaningless things

So strong was the howling gale

Becomes weak in the presence of penury

noisy and chaotic

heavy but empty

if only it could lift my burden

take my pains away

subdue the sufferings

pulling my life today

wishing it takes them all away

so we never meet again

 

Author's Note

what do you think?
feel free

Reviews

[Richard🖌]

Tumi,
I think this is an excellently writ Free Verse poem with great title, strong metaphorical imagery and emotional pull … very strong, eye-catching title, too.
As a poetry teacher, I might see more in someone's work than most. So, don't take offense if I try to offer what I see as helpful critique. In that spirit, below is your poem with a few hints format and wording that will help make it sing a little bit more interesting to your readers.

HOWLING GALE

So strong [was] the strength of the gale
It refuse[d] to take away my sufferings
Howling with weakness
Lifting all but meaningless things

So strong was the howling gale
Becomes weak in the presence of penury
noisy and chaotic
heavy but empty

If only it could lift my burden
take my pains [away] (stronger poetic syntax)
subdue the sufferings
pulling my life today
[wishing] it takes them all away
so we never meet again

Love your work, Tumi, or I'd not enjoy sharing my input with you. : )
And, thanks for sharing your great poetic efforts with me! ⁓ Richard🖌

[Tumi]

Thanks for the kind critique
I loved the correction
And I will make changes as soon as possible
Would love it if you do more

[Richard🖌]

Let's first see how these suggestions go.

Thank you, Tumi ⁓ RJ

[Tumi]

thanks for it
it means a lot

[Marie]

A very in depth write, Tumi. I love how you compare your suffering to the howling gale outside who refuses to take it away. The only one who can take away our painful suffering is ourselves and we do that through making better choices than the ones which we made who invited the painful suffering into our life in the first place. Finely expressed, with a lot said in so few words. Excellent poem, Tumi. Thank you for sharing...

[Tumi]

Thanks for the kind review

[Marie]

Most welcome always, Tumi...

[Pete]

this is deep. it really touched and spoke to me. it blew me away (pun intended). most excellent work. bravo.

[Tumi]

thanks for the kind review

[carl]

Enjoy how you took something that implies a burden and encouraged it to be a bearer of your burdens - makes me thing of the punisher / deliverer that visited Egypt during the time of Moses. I enjoyed the read - carl

[Tumi]

thanks for the kind review