tea bags and hand grenades

comfort and fear, i long for you, but you shouldn't be here

shocked and scared i paused, so still

i waited to make sure it was your will

uncertain unspoken unsure of you but i couldn’t let you go

the sounds of pain rang within my ears

a faceless sounding screen

i couldn’t see but i heard you hurting

and you turned to me

you begged and mourned and cried to me 

the sounds of sorrow echoing: hurt and pain caving in 

thats when i began worrying

of you and what you’re prospects would be

and why on earth you still needed me

i could see your life flash before my eyes

and i broke down again, hearing you cry

the panic seeped and i called out to you

to speak to me as long as you wanted to 

to feel no sorrow or shame for that

you came and did to me in the past

my sorrow lukewarm, i offered you solace

knowing i will be okay

but you in this time

i was not so sure

i feared for your fall

trembled at your every word

“please look at me”

you must hear what i say

i will always love you each and every day

i will always be here

but wait distantly

i will be your shoulder to cry on

i will take the lead

but know i am stronger

and less naive than before

i know that you can never even the score

to be there for me is an unfair ask of you

but i will never turn

my heart away from you

my stomach still flutters when i see you pass by

but I’m starting to catch all  of the butterflies

setting them free, i am released too

able to walk away but I’m still here for you

know you can come to me with tears in your eyes

but quietly remembering the tears you left in mine

the warmth now of home but the shudder of danger

cautious and careful to this love filled with hate

caring for you is like tea bags and hand grenades