struck

the thought strikes me as though it were a bat

you by revelation

and me by the blow

thinking and waiting how could you not know

before this very moment after lingering touch 

that you no longer want me

i am in fact too much 

i asked for a sign and unto me it appeared 

the sign i felt coming but feared to be so 

and as you walk away from me

you leave but a trace

this hope for some friendship 

your attempt to save face

you don’t want me still here 

but struck

by that crippling fear

that you broke every promise that you made to me

that you lied every time you said you would be here

that every word you said was because it was what i wanted to hear

no truth no fact in you

so you offer to stay, close to me yet far away

to have you there to look at you

and know i cannot be enough 

while still being too much

is not something i can do

to have you touch my skin and smile at me still

when i know wanting me you never will

i watch you walk and smile yet

after saying you had a terrible feeling

and once again i am 

struck

by that feeling deep within

my stomach begins sinking

and it hurts and i inhale 

and wait once again for the moment to pass

the pit within my stomach

which once you filled with butterflies

now aches at your very sight

after that moment when i smile

because for just one pause in time i forget

forget that you are not mine

but then i am struck 

by the memory of that conversation where you told me you felt no love

so i wake up in the morning with that light in the sky now my only sunshine

i am struck

by a rock, by a beam, by a smile, by missing you

the absence of you for now and forever 

it leaves me 

struck