tear soaked lingerie

your touch was a weapon i used to punish myself

his eyes study the curvature of your body as your clothes fall away

he becomes familiar with the feeling of your skin

your mouth adapts to the touch of his tongue

you pretend this makes you whole, closing your eyes and imagining deeper meaning

your body betrays you as it feels a pleasure, all the while your eyes fill with silent tears

never breathing his name, you hope he can become someone else

not that he really matters, he is a blank slate, a way to forget yourself

forget the words drowning in your head, he doesn’t know what they say so maybe neither will you

he doesn’t know your middle name, but he knows what makes you tick

he may know how to kiss you, but he doesn’t know you’re sick

but he cannot eve  catch it, there are no warning signs

something not contagious is diseases of the mind

he never saw the pain you felt, although he saw your scars

his hands lingered along your body, but he never touched your heart

you dreamt that this could make you whole, 

my skin shivers at your touch yet you have yet to stimulate my heart

with the lights off I hide within my thoughts

they drown me but you refuse to let me come up for air 

your lips kept me trapped in that moment in time

hours like minutes oh how did time fly

the best I could get or rather the best that I had

so unattainable yet in the palm of my hand

I would cry in my sleep but at least my bed was warm

the impression you left behind would greet me every morning

but the fool that I am, would hope to find you there

to kiss my forehead and say “hello my dear"

yet your dear I was not, your sometimes 

your when she’s out of town and you feel alone

she had your heart she had your home

but I had your bed at night and your lips on mine

I spend moths convincing myself that it was fine

Because I was hurting and I was broke

hurt by someone I thought was home

and into your arms I fell. against my judgement I knew full well

that it was wrong and you were bad

but every good boy let me go

I broke the law I broke my heart

and everyone knows of the mistakes I made

so my sheets in fire I set ablaze

to destroy every trace of you 

I bleach my lungs, my lips, my soul

to rid myself of all you did

because at the end of the day

you fucked me in more ways than one