My turn at Transparency

bitterness leads to torturing yourself

As mint leaves and lemons oh my twisted heart
Accumulating resentment in the broken shards

Shards soaked with memories and pooling in gin.

You've driven me backwards to a downward spiral

Mixed in my drink it adds just a twist.

This shade of my pain, this cold bitterness

En route to acceptance it's a stop on the way
Elapsing my sadness and securing my rage

It isn't all anger it is not all tears,

but a mix of emotions fermenting in hurt as I add in tequila to numb all the pain

Not quite yet numbness, but I hope on its way,

I carve on your chest with the shards of my heart

Praying you feel how you tore me apart

The line of my pills seems to spell out your name.

I swallow them all hoping it will make you go away

My anger's not faded but it's no longer wet. Tears no longer fall.

They can't tell I'm upset

But now it's dry and hot like the sun
oppressive unbearable, God I thought you were the one
My mascara stays on but my heart it still aches so now I'm just bitter and lying awake at night thinking of you
Of my stupid pipe dreams of all we would do
Damn how did I fall so hard and so fast
I wish I had known we could never last
Not that we started, except in my sleep, when I'd dream of you deep in love with me

'But hey now I'm broken and whatever it's fine.

I figured it was only a matter of time. Nobody loves me. Not even I.

Why would I expect it from some random guy'

Yes that's what I made you. Just a face in the crowd.

I'm giving myself the power. No tears I'm too proud.

To act like I'm broken, though we all know that's true.
F**k it if you think I still cry over you.
Not since that night since I told you I cared, I sat up til dawn with tears in my eyes
'So guess what I'm bitter but you don't give a damn you'll never be as sorry about this as I am'
Sorry that I met you
Sorry that I tried
Sorry we reconnected
Not sorry we said goodbye.

So next time you call me bitter at least you will know why.