After Midnight

crying yourself to sleep and haunted by your dreams

There’s a subtle sanctity in crying yourself to sleep

In hearing the screams turn to whimpers and fade into the abyss

There’s a feeling of light in slipping into the darkness surrounding you

To feel tears pool in your now shut eyes, is to watch a slowly dimming light fade to black

After raw and worn you slip into numb as your thoughts fade to dreams

Dreams of your demons coming to life, of the lover you haven’t swooned, of the future you’ll never have

Dreams so vivid that you wake up screaming, your voice quivering and no one to hear you

A fruitless attempt, a shout in the void with nothingness echoing around you

Cigarette scented screams fill the space around you, sauntering through the night

Screams become cries and cries become breaths, short and wavering, fighting to escape your withering lungs

Tired of tears, tired of living, too tired to scream, too tired to breathe

Slipping further into the void, creeping slowly into the darkness, surrounding yourself with infinite night

Complete nothingness and the absence of light

Screams long ago muffled are trapped in your lungs as you drown so slowly as your tears overflow

Reminiscing on sorrow that occurred long ago, nearly forgotten but never let go

Seeping in like the light of a sunrise is something much more terrifying, shaking you to your core the way the cold chills you to the bone

That’s when the faces appear, those of everyone you’ve ever loved or lost or couldn’t keep

Tear soaked smiles taunting you, calling you to try to love someone

Someone who will never love you

Pitiful disaster you are, secretly praying that they do not all lie

That there is someone out there who could hold you close, who could stand by you through the storm

But they all leave at the slightest hint of rain, knowing that you cannot handle your own pain

You can’t cope, you can’t give up, caught in craving a lover and depending on others

Unable to mend yourself, the pieces are shattered again, deepening wounds as you try to put them back together

Stabbed by the shards of your broken heart and crushed dreams

Your faith is far beyond shaken, gone so far that no hope in God can save you

The only hope you have is the solemnity of your dreams

Dreams so far from heaven that fire consumes them

The fire keeps you warm, becomes your shelter, in a way as dark and twisted as you

A lightless fire which consumes you but still leaves you blind

A blinding darkness that becomes your comfort

A familiar sadness becomes your home

You sleep and pretend you are not alone.