In the evening of the day

Deeply moved on an evening run . What an experience, thank you Lord.

 

 

 

 

 In the evening of the day

 

In the evening of the day

as stillness settles, cloudless blue skies still shine

Cool air gathers in pockets as I run through them

In the evening, I think of the day gone by and the next to come

 

My body releases as time ceases to pass

The day slips away, through my arms, hands and fingers

The smell of a freshly hayed meadow permeates my being

Dark green bundles snake across the fields in shaded rows

 

Rejoicing in the gift of the day,

Of life

I gaze upwards

into the heavens, opening my arms in praise

Giving thanks, as I run; in the evening of the day

 

Is  this how it was?

Somewhere east of Eden, in the garden watered by Pishon, Gihon , Tigris and Euphrates

Where gold and onyx glistened in the stream bottoms

God walked with man; in the cool of the day

Across the pristine land of Cush

 

Here among the deep shadows, between meadow and wood...............................

I am in his presence

                             In the evening of this day

    

 

Author's Note

Not sure of the line breaks or structures, can some one please review this???

Reviews

[Lightfalls]

I'm not sure about the exact line breaks either, but they seem to flow really nicely.

Either way though, this is a really great poem, it feels like you are there when you are reading it. It evokes very nice imagery through these words. And it brings a nice feeling through the thoughts. I feel closest to God when I am free and away from everything too, it seems to bring a sense of beginning into life, and everything feels perfect -if only for a moment. :)

[emmajoy]

The peace of your mind seems to ooze out of this beautiful poem.. I think it's wonderful. In a strangely calm way your sense of euphoria in the day is so intense and the feeling touches the reader.

Personally I'd leave the structure etc. as it is.. whether or not technically correct .. words should come from the heart. If I have to give constructive criticism and am not an expert, maybe I'd find a way of making the four lined stanzas into five or the five into four, omitting unwanted words or adding appropriate ones... but, again, I think it's a truly fine and sincerely touching write as it is.

[Queen Jummarrium]

wow! that was so beautiful. it really touched my soul, and that doesn't happen often. overall it was an amazing write.