about me

I’m 20 years old

I really wish i was left handed

I don’t like cilantro

I organize the sugar packets by color at every restaurant i go to

I found friends in books before i made them in school

And i’ve been biting my nails since i could chew

I don’t know what it means to be alive

My bed is a black hole

And i am prisoner to it

As everyday i face the struggle of forcing myself up

To go through the motions

My body goes into autopilot

Programming the smile on my face

The pep in my step

While my mind sleeps at the wheel

Unfazed by any potential crash into reality

I used to lay awake at night

Once my solar powered happiness ran out

Accompanied by my closest friends

Sadness and anxiety

We would have pow wows

Full of self-loathing

And silent crying

Careful not to wake anyone

At the ungodly hours of the eerily quiet nights

I used to think i’d find love in

Empty bottles

Dead joints

And nameless faces

As if sloppy kisses

And empty words

Would fill the cavities in my chest

And cushion my small, aching heart

I believe every scar has a story worth telling

And when i look at the words i’ve written into my skin

I can proudly say

That those tales are far behind me

And that this thing called depression

Took on more than she could handle

But i am still learning my worth

I am still learning how to look in a mirror

And truly see the person staring back

Hoping one day i’ll recognize her

And not see a stranger

But until then

I’ll keep looking at the sky

When the sun has set

And the moon is shining

And remind myself

That there is light

Even in the darkest of times

-TL