Chapter Four

In the morning, I roll over and Terry's at his dresser pulling on a t-shirt. He sees that I'm awake through his mirror. 

"Just like old times, huh?"

"She'd freak if she knew I spent the night in your bed."

"Who cares? It’s not like she’ll break up with me. She's been waiting too long for her chance at me."

"Why do you bother?"

He shrugs. "Gotta get it any way I can."

"You don't need a girlfriend for that."

"True. But having one kinda reminds me of us."

"I'm not that special, ya’ know."

"Sure you are. You didn't let me treat you any way I wanted. When I got tough with you, you got tough right back. You never let your home life make you. You're a survivor. Like me."

I smile.

"Are you doing school today? If so, you got clothes in my bottom drawer," he says leaving the room.

I put on a pair of light blue jeans and a lavender button down shirt. I leave a few buttons ajar so that enough cleavage shows to make the guys drool while still leaving something to the imagination. I skipped a shower so I spray on his Axe then think that perhaps I shouldn't have.

I bump into his eldest brother Thor (Yes, their parents named him Thor) on my way out of Terry's room.

"Slow down, Azaria."

He pronounces it like a boy’s name because he knows I hate it. He calls me Azz-Eh-Riah even though he knows it’s pronounced Ah-Za-Ria. 

"Whatever, Thunda."

He laughs as I run down the stairs. I hear Terry's car starting. I wave to Titus who's eating cereal in the living room. Outside I hop into Terry's '95 Corvette. He got it for a good price because Titus works in an auto shop.

When he pulls out of the driveway I see that black truck again but this time it’s parked across the street from Terry’s house. I groan and narrow my eyes suspiciously. There's no one in it but still. 

"You all right over there?"

"Yeah, yeah."

The ride over is quiet. This is how it’s always been between us. We only talk when it’s necessary.

His girlfriend’s waiting when we pull up in the parking lot and so is John.

"Oh, joy," I say under my breathe.

We both get out.

"What's going on, Terry?" she asks.

"Don't call me that. Besides, this can wait."

"Where the hell were you all night?" John asks.

I roll my eyes, "None of your business."

"Of course it's my business."

“We are not at all related so how is it any of my business? You ain't my daddy!"

"I might as well be."

"But you're not."

Everyone in the parking lot is staring now.

"Your mother was worried half to death about you last night. She didn't sleep a wink. All she kept talking about is all the possible things that could have happened to you."

"Yeah, right. She doesn't care about me. All she cares about are her men. I'd have had better luck if I was her son but I'm not. If I was a boy at least she'd love me."

"She does love you, Azaria!"

"She sure has a strange way of showing it, John. But she definitely knows how to show you love, doesn't she?"

He brings his hand back to hit me but Terry is there in an instant and he pushes John.

"Don't you dare. Don't you ever!" Terry shouts.

"This doesn't concern you, little boy."

"If it involves you laying a hand on Azaria, it concerns me."

John surveys his surroundings. He realizes he can't win here, in public.

"I'll see you later," he growls.

"No, you won't. She's coming back home with me."

"We'll see what the sheriff has to say about that."

"Yeah. We'll see what my brother has to say about it."

John storms away. I sigh; today's stress has already begun. I lean back against his car, my face in my hands.

"What're you looking at? Keep it moving!"

He moves to my side, leaning too. 

"Thanks," I breathe. 

"It's my pleasure to protect. I kinda feel obligated."

"Terry... I can’t not go home."

"You can always stay at my house. You know that."

"Yeah. But still--"

"We can talk to my brother and see what he says about you living with us."

"She's not going to give up her rights. She wants me to go down with her."

Silence follows until we hear the warning bell ring.

"This isn't over."

He takes my hand and leads me into the school and our first class.

Today is different than usual. Today the attention bothers me. No one has ever actually seen anything happen in public. They know the obvious stuff: Mom's a s**t; daughter's probably a s**t, dead beat Dad not in the picture, and random lovers. Oh, and me and Terry's seemingly domestic violent relationship.

But for once, I'm embarrassed. John just came up here and made a scene in front of everyone. He just helped put our business even more in the street. Hiding was already next to impossible. Now it's infeasible.

The whole day is a complete blank with only my insecurities to keep me occupied. I don't know what I'm going to do. It's like I've been stripped of my power; the only thing that kept me going. What happened this morning was like confirmation. I'm destined to be like her.

I've always been kind of a wanderer, kind of lost. I don't want to go home because I don't belong there with those people but I don't quite belong with Terry either. 

When the final bell rings, I leave that place on speedy legs.  But my brain settles on last night's dining place, thanks to Jarod. I sit there not knowing what comes next. That is, until I feel the water in my hands; until I feel the tears on my face; until I feel the last glimpse of hope leaving me.