Chapter Three

Superior, Arizona isn't the smallest town. There are roughly 3500 of us. But then again, it isn't so big that people don't recognize me when they see me. It's the main reason why I have on my hood right now.

I wander nearby where my mom likes to strut and find Jarod in a familiar back alley. 

"Why did I have a feeling I'd be seeing you tonight?" he asks.

"Because you know when she works late and has a 'boyfriend' I don't go home."

He hands me a bag of food from where he works and I feel pathetic but I'm hungry so that trumps my feelings of self-pity.

"Where are you sleeping tonight?"

"Don't know yet. I'll figure something out. Thanks again," I say walking away before he can offer more of his kindness.

Jarod is cool. He's in his mid twenties and he and my brother were really close before he went to fight in the war. I don't know if he's dead or alive but I miss him like crazy. His letters just stopped coming one day. He used to always protect me. Now he's too busy protecting my freedom, I guess.

I keep my face covered and find a park bench to eat on.

The sun's going down and according to the clock on the park district building, it's just after seven. 

I'd spent the last three hours walking around calming myself. I was just so sick of my life it's a wonder I'm not suicidal. I can't do that, though. If I kill myself, everyone wins but me and I'm no loser. I just hate that she puts me in these situations. I hate this town because I can't go anywhere and hide because everyone knows what my being out this late means. I'm on display.

When I'm done eating I "hide out" at the library. I didn't know I'd fallen asleep until the librarian comes over and wakes me.

"We're closing, Azaria."

"Oh. Alright."

"Don't you have school in the morning?"

"Yup. Gotta go."

I leave, resenting her for her discombobulated acting. She knows. They all do.

I walk around town for awhile. It's cold out and it's really starting to get to me. A few jokesters pull up beside me offering me cash in exchange for blow jobs. I ignore them which results in me being called a self-righteous female dog and screeching tires. I don't care how messed up my life is, I will never be like her.

Midnight finally rolls around and I give in. I walk a few blocks from the park and stand in front of a house that is not mine. It's tan with a tall wooden fence and two dogs on the other side. The driveway has three cars sitting in it and it's paved perfectly. The lights are out but that doesn't deter me.

I jump the fence and the dogs are quickly at my side but they know me. They lick every part of me in their vicinity and whimper. I take a moment to pet them both and toss them the remaining contents of what I had left from Jarod.

On the porch, I ring the bell nervously. I haven't been to this house in awhile. No one comes which doesn't surprise me. It is late. I ring the bell again and this time, the dogs bark to help wake the inhabitants.

"Shut the hell up!" I hear someone shout from a window upstairs but the dogs just keep yapping away. 

I hear a door slam, heavy footsteps and then the door flies open. I step back out of instinct.

"Zar."

"Hi, Terry," I say, ashamed of what brought me here.

"Come on."

Inside, we go up to his room where he grabs an extra blanket and leaves back out. He's giving me his room. When we were a couple, we'd sleep together but we're not anymore so we don't. The realization that he's accepted this irritates me a little. However, I get over it. This is what I wanted.

I shed the hoodie and pants and crawl into his bed. It smells just like him, of course. Dark Temptation Axe shower gel. I smile and pull his quilt tighter around me while balling up. I take the ponytail holder out of my hair. I haven't been this comfortable or felt this safe since we were together.

I hear some murmurs in the hallway and know that his brothers are asking who was at the door. I vaguely hear my name, some sympathetic noises and then doors closing.

Terry's life is better than mine but his parents aren't around at all. He lives in this house with his two older brothers and he loves it.

I guess I am grateful for someone because these three love me. I was able to convince Terry not to kill the one who had "gotten to me" but he was able to convince his brothers to help him jump the guy without giving the real reason why. They just knew it was a favor to me.

My thoughts go on cruise control and I eventually fall asleep.