Chapter Nine

           I am digging the vibe between us right now. It’s a good thing I decided to ignore that little gesture in first period. She’s coming out of her shell and showing me some serious love right now. Had I made a big deal, she would’ve gotten defensive and this moment would be the complete opposite.

            I am lost in this time with her and drawing a mental picture for me to keep. She smells like Cocoa Butter today. She has on one of her plaid flannel shirts. It’s not buttoned all the way up so from this angle, I can see the white tank she’s wearing under it. She’s also wearing a necklace made of black leather string with six little silver spools on it.

            “Where’d you get this necklace?”

            “Hm? Oh, this? I made it. You like it?”

            “Enough to want one, yeah.”

            “I’ll make you one.”

            “Aces.”

            She turns to face me, “Did you just say ‘aces’?”

            I have to laugh, “Yeah. So?”

            “I have no problem with it. It’s nice to know you’re a little off. I like it.”

            I smile, “Aces.”

            The bell rings to end our temporary paradise.

            I gather up my junk and grab both our back packs.

            “I’ll walk you to class.”

            She slides her arm around my waist.

            “Aces,” she says smiling.

            She’s adorable.

            I throw out the garbage and put my arm around her shoulders.

I’m glad she decided that she wants to go public. Although I didn’t mind our temporary secrecy, I would have preferred for us to be a normal couple. Now we are and it feels good. I brought her around with my mad crazy boyfriend skills.

            “Yo! SoHo!”

            “What up, Dev?”

            “I saw you walk the queen to class and you are especially happy right now so-

            “That’s right. My girlfriend and I are a couple.”
            “Congratulations.”

            “Thanks.”

            “Now there’s simply the matter of the suddenly re-interested ex-slash-not ex boyfriend, Julian.”

            “He’s not an issue. She-

            “I heard some other kids talking and they said that she was pretty brutal this morning about there being no future for them.”

            I shake my head at his famous “I heard” but take in the knowledge that she did talk to him about us or at least, about not being with him.

            “Look alive, SoHo.”

            I don’t know what he means until I see Julian coming my way which is strange considering that for the past two days, I’ve never seen him in this hallway. I don’t think much of it until he stops in front of me.

            “Yeah?”

            “It’s clear you’re going to make the team. And as the captain of that team, from what I’ve seen from my guys, it’s clear you’re going to be the star Dub-R.”

            “Thanks.”

            “I don’t deny talent. I want us to be able to work together.”

            “I agree.”

            “So we won’t let this thing with Kendall affect the game.”

            “I wouldn’t call it a ‘thing’ but no, we won’t. I know I won’t.”

            “And coach won’t let me.”

            I laugh at that.

            “But know this: I’m not giving up on Kendall. I know that there is no way in hell she’d fall so quickly for someone so new. I may have broken her heart once but it won’t happen again.”

            “I guess you’ll never get the chance to find out. She told you once. If she has to tell you again, then I’ll be stepping in on her behalf and I won’t be as pleasant.”

            “I’ll try to keep that in mind. You’re only in the lead by one.”

            “The one that counts.”

            He doesn’t like that last line. He glares and walks away which is plenty to let me know we will never be friends.

            Despite the giant step Kendall and I took today, this conversation with Julian plagues my thoughts. It’s like my brain has become that conversation and I can’t avoid it. Every thought is speckled with words and sentences that bring me back to point A. I wish Julian wasn’t point A for me right now. That’s where Kendall belongs.

            I especially don’t like it because I know she’s insecure about a lot of things including this latest adventure. I don’t want to be distracted when I’m with her because it might give her the impression that I’m not thinking about her which won’t exactly be wrong but I want her to feel like she’s all I think about.

            When I get to Chemistry, she’s in her seat zoned out to something on her ipod. She’s covertly bobbing her head to whatever she’s listening to. That could be anything because she seems like the type who listens to stuff I’ve never even heard of.

            I sit at my desk and put my arm on the back of her chair. She turns toward me and puts her arm on mine while removing a bud from her ear.

            “May I ask what you’re listening to?”

            “Justin Nozuka.”

            Confirmed. I don’t have a clue as to who that is.

            “Never heard of him.”

            “That doesn’t shock me,” she says with a raised eyebrow.

            I narrow my eyes and poke her in the side.

            She jumps like all girls do and gives me a wicked smile. That smile only makes her even more gorgeous.

            “Don’t flash that sexy smile at me unless you ready to start something.”

            “I like a guy with self control.”

            “Duly noted.”

            Just when I think I’ve got her figured out; just when I think she can’t get any hotter.

            Class begins to end our flirting. She’s coming along nicely.

            In the hall on the way to Geography, we can’t keep away from each other. Looks like our little trip this weekend could be the perfect opportunity to see if she had been kissed before. Obviously she had by what’s his face but I wanted to experience it. I wanted to know what it was like to actually feel her emotion; to feel her passion.

            I walk her to her locker when school lets out and we flirt like we’ve got all the time in the world.

            “I have to go. My ride’s waiting.”

            “Then I bid you adieu until tomorrow, my love,” I say with a sweep bow.

            “Until tomorrow, my prince,” she says curtsying.

            She giggles and runs for the door. She takes my breath away.

 

            I don’t know what’s gotten into me as far as Will is concerned. I’m finding him extremely attractive and when he smiles at me it does something to me. He’s got me in a good mood. I chug the Monster Dex gives me and when I get inside I slow down.

            I lock my door, strip down and pull the sheet from the mirror.

            My shoulder’s still slightly bruised but it’s not too noticeable thanks to my brown skin. That means I’ll be able to wear a tank top this weekend with Will. Everything, of course, will be covered, but still, I give myself the once over and am glad to see that I am otherwise bruise-less besides my shoulder and the foot on my chest.

            I’m suddenly in the mood for a swim so I put on a one piece, because he doesn’t like to see his handy work, and head for the pool. I swim and goof off for about an hour then rest my arms and neck on the rim of the pool, letting my body float. The sun feels really good on my skin. Today has been a great day. That’s when I hear his footsteps on the back patio where I am.

            “Kendall. I want to talk to you.”

            The way I’m leaning he can’t see either of my tattoos, thank goodness.

            “I’ll be in the living room. Dry off and come right in.”

            “Okay.”

            When I don’t hear his footsteps anymore, I get out of the pool and take the outside stairs to my room where I can properly cover up.

            Once downstairs, I sit nervously.

            “Did I do something wrong?”

            “No.”

            “Did I forget something? Did I leave something out? Did-

            “It’s not always something you’ve done, Dilly-Dally.”

            “Oh.  Well-

            “I just want you to know that I’ve met a woman.”

            “Oh,” I say more clearly.

            “What do you think?”

            “It’s nothing new.”

            “It’s different this time. I’ve been seeing her for the past two month. She’s special, not like the girl you met the other day. I don’t want to introduce her to you until I’m sure she’ll be a constant in both our lives and your brothers.”

            “You never talk to me about-

            “I know but like I said. This one’s different. I think she’s the one.”

            “That sounds serious.”

            “She knows about you and the boys.”

            Does she know about the beatings? It’s part of the Marcus Carter package. Is she cool with that?

            “Kendall?”

            “I’m happy for you, dad. It’s been awhile since you’ve loved someone.”

            “That’s not true. I love my number one lady every day.”

            If that’s what you want to call it. Do you love this new woman the same way you love me? You couldn’t possibly or we wouldn’t even be having this little chat. Unless she lets you beat her, too. Woman will take whatever to be with a rich man. I hope for her sake, he doesn’t and will never lay a hand on her. Look at me. Praying for a woman I’ve never even met but can’t pray for myself.

            “Do you have any plans this weekend?”

            I snap out of it since he’s giving me an opening.

            “Oh, yeah. I wanted to ask if I can go to the Sonoma County Museum. They’ve got this exhibit going on right now that focuses on black and white photography besides the Running Fence that you know I love no matter how many times I’ve seen it.”

            He chuckles, “Have fun.”

            We’re both in a great mood at the same time? Maybe all we both ever needed was a special someone.

            However, my dreams don’t agree with my mood because as soon as my eyes close that night, I dream of her. Sleeping at night is a nightmare for me. I can’t escape by simply waking up. It’s like being locked in a small box with no way out. It’s like being claustrophobic with nothing to do but fear. My dreams don’t allow me to get away, only to be afraid.

            In this dream, she’s spewing the same old bull.

I’m ten. I remember it so vividly because I was going through an Ice Princess phase. I used to eat, drink, and sleep that movie. It was playing on the television when I woke up in the morning and when I went to sleep at night; all day, every day. I also took lessons. Whatever I wanted as long as I didn’t request that anyone watch it with me. That was fine with me because all they did was complain through the whole movie or when I said every line.

Anyhow, I woke up because I had to use the bathroom. It was on the part where the girl who played the jumping shrimp was about to fight the tough girl and then I saw her lightly closing her bedroom door.

“Mama?”

She jumped, “Kenny.”

“What’re you doing?”

I eyed her up and down noticing the bag over her shoulder and in her hand. It was luggage.

“Where are you going?”

She grabbed my hand and led me downstairs.

“What’s going on, Mama?”

“I have to go away for awhile, sweetie.”

“Why?”

She looked away. “You won’t understand this maybe until you’re older. I have to leave because I’m afraid for my life. Your father loves you and the boys. He’d never hurt any of you. But apparently, he will hurt me. I’m not sacred like you kids.”

“Are you coming back?”

“Um-

“Don’t try to convince a ten year-old that her mother isn’t deserting her.”

I turn to see Donny on the stairs.

“Deserting?”I say confused.

“Donny, baby-

“I don’t wanna hear it, Mama. Just leave us behind. That was the plan, right? Forget about us. Save yourself.”

I hear his tone and how cold it is toward her but its still not registering to me what’s unfolding.

“I love you kids. Tell your brother I love him, too.”

“But you can tell him yourself, Mama,” I say.

“Come on, Kendall. I’ll finish watching your movie with you.”

“But you don’t like it.”

“Let’s go.”

He’s holding his hand out to me but I’m trying to decide between him and my mom.

            I take a step toward Donny and before I can look back to see mom’s reaction, she’s gone. She made the choice for me.

            Dad was hurt and livid the next day. He spent the whole day with us but paid extra special attention to me. I guess that’s when he began to hold on too tight. He won’t let me walk out on him. But like a fool, I wouldn’t even if I could. It seems I’m a glutton for punishment. Or maybe I want to prove that I’m stronger than her, that I can stick it out. Or maybe I so desperately don’t want to understand why she did it.

Whichever it was, I’d let him kill me before I left him.