Fragile

This is inspired by the book Bridge Across Forever by Richard Bach. Where a perfect friendship between a man and woman is ruined.

Weft and warp within the tapestry

of our existence

Composed carelessly yet knotted

without illusion

Unfettered weave hold spaces

that explored

your fears, joys, demented soul

I held my own amid your callous equations

In a world alien to my gentle heart;

While you chose mistakes, guided by

treacherous rules that tore

my sensibilities apart

Didn't let yourself go, didn't hear my simple words

But now you want to become more 

And inner solitude shatter

Unstilled thoughts scatter

Distilled awareness bring

reason to its knees

Oh friend, why do you insist

on gleaning sweet daydreams

From armoured shell resist

Seek heavy words troubled to describe

Sullen passion conflicting to hide

Confront unreal world through my hooded eyes

Mock insincere denial in disguise

Cross thresholds that kept us sane

From dancing naked in the twilight when tides wane

Turn, turn again

Sweet sensibility

Turn, turn again

Fragile identity

Rope in the invisible boundary

Reign in words that set the heart free

Reviews

[Eudaimoniac]

First off, beautiful form and language, but I have come to expect this from reading you (I have much to learn from your writing in this regard).

I feel that this poem has a real psychological awareness, both of the narrator (speaker? - I don't know exactly the correct terminology?) and the object (the lover?) that is described.

I feel that although the piece as a whole is unitary in its message, the form/function of the language changes a lot between stanzas. The first stanza is amazing in its metaphor. The second (probably my favorite with lines like 'I held my own amid your callous equations/in a world alien to my gentle heart', and 'Distilled awareness bring reason to its knees') seems to be more content driven and gets to the heart of the matter. The third almost overwhelms the analytical senses with a barrage of words and phrases that resist grammatical compartmentalization. The final gives conclusion with a kind of repeated structure (a slight rhyme and rhythm that I feel I detect).

Quite amazing all in all.

[Anu Biswas]

Wow, your reviews are as deep as your poetry. I love this forum because unlike the other world filled with people we know, the critique in this forum is so much more honest and intriguing.

To be very frank, I started writing poetry only a couple of weeks ago. There was this deep desire in me, some sort of angst to describe what I felt about so many things. I have been writing short non-fiction, but this is the first time I have experimented with poetry and I find it so free, so unrestricting and with so many dimensions. I read your poems and I gasp with new delight. It's a whole new world for me.

Having said that, I have no understanding of meter, form, function, compartmentalisation....I write very instinctively is all, just as I think. I cannot be oblique like your beautiful verses, I cannot construe abstract. That is why I ask the meaning of your words and then I realised how complicated your structure is. How you have gone back and forth between two layers, weaving the two. I have to learn from you how to do that - work with multi-layered poetry. The beauty of all this is that there is so much to learn.

By the way, I am an engineering science student and my family and friends tell me what a grave mistake I made!! True! I did a lot of technical writing though, before moving to corporate communications. Seems so irrelevant:) Anyhow, its great to belong here! Thank you!

[Eudaimoniac]

Wow, an engineer and a gifted writer! I don't think it's a mistake to be doing both, that takes rare intelligence.

I should admit first of all that while I use terms like 'metre, form, etc' i am no expert in them either and am truly just learning like yourself.

I too find myself writing as a release of energies which otherwise burden me. Very good to find someone who writes so engagingly that also approaches the practice with this kind of sacred feeling.

[M Breen]

The first verse conveys a dancing alternation between liberation and confinement. Or, actually, I'm not sure I understand it, but the line "Weft and warp within the tapestry" is superb.

[.......]

i really enjoyed this write; nicely expressed

[Anu Biswas]

Thank you!

[dunnia]

i absolutely love the last stanza..well done

[Anu Biswas]

Thank you!

[quinfinn]

there is a sad sweetness to this poem, the defining of boundaries and the perils of loose morality carries one to the fringe of another relation of two souls which may or may not have been meant to happen. blissfully fragile, as you so aptly say herein. the depth and wisdom of your last stanza are mind numbing and profoundly intricate. such a passionate and personal write, wonderful. color me very impressed

[Anu Biswas]

Hmmm....I wanted to capture the fragility when friendships are threatened by love as in, when a man and woman are great friends, even best friends and suddenly one of them wants to change the dynamics of their relationship. Thank you for reading my work and giving me your thoughts.