4am Anxiety

aprilsixth2018. A rap: a hook, a verse, a hook, a verse, a hook, a verse.

I know I'm not there yet but I'm scared at the thought of.

Me discovering a level below rock bottom.
What might become of me after I'm underground rotten.
What if God decides that I am to be forgotten. 

I'm confused thought I knew where my home is.
I've considered the idea being homeless.
Searching online trying to find me a tent.
Or months from now I'll be stressing out trying to pay rent..
I've considered trying to busk in the hustle down Pike Place.
But it rains regulation paid permission mind change.
Back to hell guess I'll settle with my parents no question.
Live with my mom my sister and depression..

I know I'm not there yet but I'm scared at the thought of.
Me discovering a level below rock bottom.
What might become of me after I'm underground rotten.
What if God decides that I am to be forgotten.


Got anticipation but no patience.
Not emotionally strong enough for further education.
I stay locked up in a loveless basement.
Nothing here to do but this conclusive observation..
Says the basement's metaphorical it represents my state.
In which lies a vibe against me of resentment and hate.
My brain's innate attitude stays favoring the blackness.
Cause maybe shade can keep their eyes away from my sadness..

I know I'm not there yet but I'm scared at the thought of.
Me discovering a level below rock bottom.
What might become of me after I'm underground rotten.
What if God decides that I am to be forgotten.


In honesty nobody even talks to me.
My addictions got buried in me far too deep.
Whatchu trying to say? I don't know you.
Who are these people? I need to be alone soon..
Why does no one like me? I'm a golden tool.
Why did I push away everyone I knew.

Why won't I reach out? Why can't I reach out.
Well I can't move my arms six feet underground..
I'm helpless I should drown in peroxide.
Or maybe get through to my head with a long knife.
Or maybe eat cake until i die of a heart attack.
I wonder how all my fake friends would react..

Author's Note

review! (punctuation was used only for organizational purposes except for some question marks for questioning tones. necessary commas and question marks have been left out on purpose despite it making some parts harder to understand.)

Reviews

[likesgreeneggsandham]

Very moving, I completely related to the feelings you expressed. 'My addictions got buried in me far too deep' - this stuck with me. beautiful.

[Julie McCarthy (juliesp..]

THanks for entry into my worst fear competition, good luck, loved this, thankyou

[GwenLark]

What might become of me after I'm underground rotten.
What if God decides that I am to be forgotten.

This simply took my breath away. So creative and at the same time, relatable.

[Cole Thomas]

I have to agree!

[Rexile]

Intense feeling when creating that poem... Nice.

[.]

Point of no return. Another powerful and emotional piece.

[Butters]

Wow! Loved it- especially the line about GOd forgetting you. I feel like God forget about me along time ago so that line really gave the feels.

[David Elijah]

Damn dude. When I wrote that I was feeling like there might be a time when I reach the point of no returned in the midst of my selfdestructive sin. There was a part of the Bible that I had in mind that scared the s**t out of me. Matthew 7: 21. "Not everyone who says to me, 'Lord, Lord,' will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. 22. Many will say to me on that day, 'Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name and in your name drive out demons and in your name perform many miracles?' 23. Then I will tell them plainly, 'I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers!'". Although I was quick to think that this passage is referring to me going to hell for not actively pursuing to take action to achieve God's plan for my life, this is actually about false prophets that use the name of God to justify their work as being "God's will" when in reality it's not at all the case. In short, that line is just about what I was feeling and not what was reality. God won't forget his children even when his children forget about Him.