Thanks For Nothing

A set of freestyle-based lyrics that I have wrote recently, based off of an ex.

Numb to the first incision
I was blinded with a hopeful vision
Dazed, so amazed.

Pinning back the thick layer of flesh
A brand new environment, emotion, so fresh
Best, before the test.

Gliding your hand into the crimson wound
Snap one... snap two
The slight tension made my head swoon
Snap three... snap four.
This feels stronger than before.

Cracking ribs all around my cage
Using her eyes as the perfect set stage
Crooked smile of a narcissistic devil
Such anger for a girl of her level

You've made a path to make your way through
Sensing your intentions, I don't know what to do

Mind full of love
Veins full of fear
You pick at em'
Leaving them sheer

Cords fall limp, I fill with regret
Since our day one, you've had your moves set
Grip tightened on the beating structure
I'm clenching teeth as your nails make puncture

I've got no crutch, no clutch, all the such
No support
You're too good at this, feels like you've done it before
It's amazing what goes wrong when you want to explore
Get all of the good assumptions, shoved back at your door-

-Step back to your old pattern
I've set fire to your letters and laughed as they burned-
-in the air, what you do isn't fair, not that you have cared.

As your endeavor advances, my muscles are tight
You ripped my core right out into my sight
Right out of my chest, look at this mess
A mess that you can't clean up
You can replace the carpet but the wood is still stained
Left detained, refrained
Torn and tattered
Refreshing to know that what was great has all shattered

My heart is still in your hand
You grin as you look down
If I had the strength, right then, right there
'Could have made that a frown

Poking and provoking, wasn't good enough
Pulling out words, sharp as blades
You chose to play rough.

Faces splattered with my reddened matter
Listen around, hear their mimical chatter
All of the promises you've made were just insincere flatter

Oh?
Now you're done?
I could have swore you were just having fun

You ripped me apart
I won't let it ever happen again
And you have the nerve to say that you want to be my friend

Delayed tears now race down like rivers
As you glue my life back in
You've made this all out to be just a round
In the game of operation.

Author's Note

ANY critique and rating is truly appreciated.

Reviews

[Impulse]

Wow...I love it. You have no idea. I'm staring at your words with my mouth open in amazement and I think I'm drooling on the keyboard. You could probably make a couple songs out of this instead of just one. I can't find a favorite part though. All of it is so good. Beautiful job my dear. Keep writing this gold.

[JoshiDx]

Very good first post. You express a mastery of language that I can appreciate. Your rhymes are concise and sound natural. The way the rhythm of the lines get mixed up keeps things fresh as the poem progresses. Again really pleased with a lot of the word choices. Nicely done.

[Zane]

I think this carries your heart, my dear. I love it,because its so beautfiully written. Keep it up. :)