Shadows

Im tired of hiding

Hiding in shadows

Waiting for this all too pass

Anticipating the departure of such an ugly soul

From my beautiful life
One and a half years, and it will be gone

One and a half years that I have to wait in the shadows

For if I don't, the ugliness will stick around much longer

Follow behind me as I continue to grow

Holding onto my shoulders, and falling to the ground

Trying to take me with it

But I will not fall

I will keep on climbing up no matter how long it takes

My goals I have set too high to just quit now

I at least need to try

I don't care how deep of a hole my debt digs

If im afraid of that, than im afraid of life

Because I will be successful, but its going to cost something to get there

But when I do get there, It will be worth it I swear

My life will be bright and happy

I wont stop until it is

I want you to slump on your couch and open the paper

And read about me, and my success

For you to pick up the phone and dial my number

“Hey Ricky, what do I do next?”

Author's Note

Constructive Criticism

Reviews

[dan]

Ricky, You want constructive criticism? How about this: Ricky, you are a good writer, especially considering your age. But first of all, you must be cognizant of the fact that if you wish to be taken seriously as a poet you must be more polished and pay attention to spelling, grammar and punctuation. You also seem to have really good ideas as the basis of your writes. Then it seems that, instead of letting that idea come to full flower in your imagination, you tend to think, "Oh, this is good...I need to hurry up and finish this!" Sometimes it's better, after the initial thought is arrived at, to let it sit for: a minute, 20 minutes, an hour...then come back to it, after some thought, and allow the idea to blossom, evolve. I'm not saying your stuff is no good; I am saying it is TOO good to be rushed, allow it to germinate and grow before you post it. You've got talent, guy, don't be in such a hurry; your talent will still be there, I promise. take care...dan

[R Smith]

seems you know whats needed Ricky, all you need do is use the one and a half years to grow into your creative soul, hone and perfect it and we'll see a shining star emerge with a long and bright future :)

[mournful bear]

some times those holes keep us longer than we would like.

[Nene]

Why one and a half year?

[Ricky Campbell]

That's when I graduate high school, and move out on my own.

[Nene]

oh.... :) makes sense now

[Calliope]

I like the message expressed in this. Ambition, wanting to be something better, something more, someone whose name is on everyone's lips. (Criticism-wise: there are a few mistakes, you might want to go back and check your contractions (lines 16 and 17, among others). Nothing big, just caught my eye.) Excellent poem, you've really got something here!

[nazia]

Whenever we go through a bad phase the most intelligent thing to do is to let it pass away and child yourself tight till the time... well expressed :)

[RiverRei]

I like this. It has a great message behind it. Personally, this sounds like more of a blog or journal entry than a poem. I'm not sure how you should reword of or reformat it so it doesn't sound like that, but to me it just doesn't flow like a poem...It's still good, like your other pieces of work. I just don't see it as a poem. I'm glad that you refuse to give up. That's the way it has to be. If you give up when things get hard, you'll never accomplish anything :)

[Jamestown]

Great piece, great attitude, good luck! Thanks for sharing and b-blessed!

[wordman]

well I certainly hope you make it

[closed]

I really like the ambition in this
the composition works really well


this is a poem that pulls you right in
it was easy to keep reading and join you on your prediction of success


great write



-Dream