Red

In between school, work, and a hateful home life it really is a tough time to get a break.

Red red red the color of anger

Walk in my school I am surrounded by red

Grumpy teachers, impatient students, reports due left and right

Red red red....

I got a job maybe this can be an escape

Out of the red and into something more blue

But how dumb was I, too think it was that easy

Like something out of a fairy tale

Work is more red than school

“Do this, do that! Why are you late! Point, point point!”

Coworkers mad that I do my job, bosses mad that I don't do it well enough

Temperatures to where my skin is blue, but everything else... Red

Sick of this all, I go home hoping for a break

And I do, one week red and one week blue

The blue is great, and well needed 

But I go to the red, its all just red

EVen my bed is red there is no where to run

“You want to be a lawyer? You’re not good enough”

“You want to do theatre? Are you gay?”

Well i'll tell you what I have everything to prove and nothing to lose

Ill be a top of my throne, you can shine my shoes

If im not good enough, I cant wait to prove you wrong

Just don't expect anything from me once I'm up top

Looking down on you all

Author's Note

What did I do well, and what needs improvement?

Reviews

[Kaitlin]

Hey Ricky, loved this poem. I'm going to illistrate the last 3 verses so I can hang them up somewhere! I totally empathize with what you're saying in this poem. I go to a private school where our teachers expect so much of us that it gives me a headache. Sometimes all you want to do is slam a door in their faces!

The only suggestion I have is reread it for comma use. I'm no expert but I think a couple lines (like "...I got a job, maybe this...") need a pause. My english teacher read my poem before I posted it. He told me to read t outloud and put a comma or period anywhere I paused.

BTW i tried to give you a 92.738 but they wouldn't let me put decimals in.

[Ricky Campbell]

Thank you! I never really thought of that, I will get to that!

[ANTO]

I don't think theres anything wrong with it - its journal stylings are suited to the content - like a stream of conscious - letting it all out (not truly a rant, more a vent of sorts), so who can judge the format that it should take on a page/screen but you.

You did the opening line very well, I thought in terms of leading with the message and tying in the title right away. You conveyed some of how difficult it must be to always have the pressure on. I can relate to the work line - work too hard and colleagues hate you, slack off for acceptance and the boss gets on your a*s. Very, very true observation - a universal observation and example of some people's desire to control others.

The end reminded me of Eminem's 'Cleaning out my closet' but then I am reminded of his recent retraction of that and how he cringes when it is mentioned to him or played on the radio. He has brought out a song saying how he regrets 'Cleaning out my closet' but he will forever be remembered as (among many other things) that rapper who hates his mom, I feel.

[dan]

To use the dichotomy of red vs. blue, red and black....a clever way to guide your line of thinking into a finite structure. A creative writing professor of mine called such dichotomies "tipping points," a fulcrum of thought that can tip either way, leaving the reader more interested in seeking out how the poet wants to conclude his thought process. A very nice piece of writing, Ricky! take caer...dan

[SoulWriter]

Now this is something unseen, unread and unheard.

I think you did great and this poem is really impressive.
I like that it is about what we see in every day life and I like that you have told it in the language of colors.
Keep up the good work

[Lizzie Mitchell]

I love the simplicity. You just tell your story... like maybe you tore this page from your journal. It's so relatable. It's like you just move through time. People are constantly around you trying to control and influence you and you just keep moving.

[Daisy]

wow it's really an impressive poem..... wonderful job writing this ricky.....
This is a thought which everyone of us have but even when you are up top looking down on all still they won't stop criticising you.... Such harsh is this truth but you can't really look down upon them :D :) wonderful poem

[andrew mitchell]

All good to me and I agree with Emily. You got talent

[Emily]

I think it's a good vent poem, but one small point: when you repeat "red, red, red" after talking about reports, you should change it to "read, read, read" for the figurative language. Good write!

[closed]

this is like a poetic conversation with the audience
good way to avoid literary form and convention

as far as doing anything wrong
I don't think that's there

just a solid write


-Dream

[RiverRei]

I see what you were trying to do with the use of red and blue colors but it didn't come across well with me. It is not your best work. I think a lot of it has potential to be great, but there are lines here and there that needs to be edited or taken out to make it flow a little better and the more clear. I feel terrible for giving a not positive review and what not, but I think you can do much better with this piece. Thanks for sharing though. I would love to see you edit this and help you make this a piece that's up to your usual standards :) (don't hate me for being mean, I'm sorry.....)

[Shari Robinson]

I think this poem is great, it totally captures the essence of adolescence on the cusp of adulthood.