Red

In between school, work, and a hateful home life it really is a tough time to get a break.

Red red red the color of anger

Walk in my school I am surrounded by red

Grumpy teachers, impatient students, reports due left and right

Red red red....

I got a job maybe this can be an escape

Out of the red and into something more blue

But how dumb was I, too think it was that easy

Like something out of a fairy tale

Work is more red than school

“Do this, do that! Why are you late! Point, point point!”

Coworkers mad that I do my job, bosses mad that I don't do it well enough

Temperatures to where my skin is blue, but everything else... Red

Sick of this all, I go home hoping for a break

And I do, one week red and one week blue

The blue is great, and well needed 

But I go to the red, its all just red

EVen my bed is red there is no where to run

“You want to be a lawyer? You’re not good enough”

“You want to do theatre? Are you gay?”

Well i'll tell you what I have everything to prove and nothing to lose

Ill be a top of my throne, you can shine my shoes

If im not good enough, I cant wait to prove you wrong

Just don't expect anything from me once I'm up top

Looking down on you all

Author's Note

What did I do well, and what needs improvement?

Reviews

[Kaitlin]

Hey Ricky, loved this poem. I'm going to illistrate the last 3 verses so I can hang them up somewhere! I totally empathize with what you're saying in this poem. I go to a private school where our teachers expect so much of us that it gives me a headache. Sometimes all you want to do is slam a door in their faces!

The only suggestion I have is reread it for comma use. I'm no expert but I think a couple lines (like "...I got a job, maybe this...") need a pause. My english teacher read my poem before I posted it. He told me to read t outloud and put a comma or period anywhere I paused.

BTW i tried to give you a 92.738 but they wouldn't let me put decimals in.

[Ricky Campbell]

Thank you! I never really thought of that, I will get to that!

[Kerra]

I love this write, i sense negativity in this write but in a good way. Nicely written

[Nomo]

You have this written well, you had shown your emotions well through this, making it clear to the reader that you are upset with work and school.
And I do, one week red and one week blue
The blue is great, and well needed
But I go to the red, its all just red
EVen my bed is red there is no where to run
Seeing this here, something must be misunderstood at home, when "my bed is red, there is no where to run"
there are many ways to be taken from that, where one might think that there might be problems at home, or possibly that you have trouble falling and staying asleep. or your thoughts overwhelm you as you are laying there.
But overall I enjoyed this, and it is written well. you captured the point of being a sixteen-year-old, the roughness and the tiredness of being pushed around. The criticism from others.

[guy drori]

I liked how you reated the word "red" a few times in the first line . . . made the speaker sound a bit angry even

[cassandra ziemba]

i realy like this poem, the way you describe the negativity but then come in saying it doesn't matter what others want. this is totally true, its your life, embrace it. it flows nicely, you write beautifully, wish i could write like you!

[The Twin Arenas]

I like the use of colour.

"Well i'll tell you what" was my favourite part.

[Nini]

Yes, I would use stanzas I think. Also, commas where you pause. Content wise, I love it! Only the mechanics need tweaked here and there, but the poem itself is VERY GOOD. :-)

[Nene]

To be honest when I read this poem I imagined a two year old jumping up and down frustrated with the singing it hahahahahahhaha.... Ita was amaizng....
And I agree with kaitlin
And this line.
Bosses mad that I don't do it well enough seems a bit cramp,..
It would flow more smoothly if you remove 'enough'...
Thanks for sharingg

[Rudi J.P. Lejaeghere]

Very good, Ricky, maybe I would use stanza's, but that's a my choise and after all, it's your poem. :) Rudi

[Emily]

I thought it was really good, I can't think of anything that needed improving.
Well done!!