Commitment

A Story by Taylor R.

A short entry expressing personal issues which I may have about a fear of relationships.

Commitment

Commitment means finding someone, and getting connected to them.

It starts off with finding simple things in common like sports and types of food, but then leads to discussions of their childhood, future kids, dreams, and careers.

As time goes on, things get more real, vivid and intensifying. This can be dangerous because at any given moment, things can come crashing down, ending with someone getting hurt, bad, or simply disappearing. The late night talks about what each wants in life, soon turn to small arguments that escalate for what seemed like no reason at all.

The coming over at any time of day to lay in bed and talk or be held, soon end in only simple text conversations at night about how the other persons day was, or week if time didn't allow them to see each other like they once used to.

Commitment is scary, because you end up realizing that someone genuinely cares about your hopes and aspirations, or thoughts. They want to know every small detail about you, and want to suffer the pain you feel with you so you're not alone.

It's about when one is sick, the other comes to take care of them, not paying attention to if the sickness spreads on them as they're with you. But sometimes another sickness comes, as the one person fills the other with their endless love and attention, the other is consumed with thoughts and the overthinking of the entire relationship based off of one thing the other said, whether it was annoying, boring, or just plain ridiculous when really, it was fine and the other treated it as a reason to leave.

A reason to get scared of commitment, a reason to run away and give up while providing lame and appearing selfish excuses for doing so, and in the process, hurting the other and leaving them with the now loneliness you feel after you left.

Commitment is exciting, exhilarating, and hopeful, while at the same time damaging, threatening one's own boundaries, and lastly, their future which appears to continue as a never ending cycle in a world of a person with a fear of relationships, and a fear of getting hurt again when really they're hurting themselves with no one else to blame.

We can get so focused in what can go wrong in a relationship, to where it blocks us from seeing the future of it if it in fact, goes right.