I'm in love with a phyco path

Ayana finds out she's in love with her phyco of a best friend, Zoe, whom is a girl.

She's screaming at me. Telling me to stop the voices chattering in her skull.

She's sitting accross from me. She told me that her eyes melted today and that she is now blind, although I can see her eyes are clearly placed directly where they're supposed to be. She smiles. "This room sucks." she says. I sit down, staring at the white walls, thin bed, and bars on the windows. "The one good thing about this room is that there isn't ONE pink thing in here." she says sitting next to me. I hear a beeping noise. "They're about to come and give me my pills." she assures me. I hear a loud clank. The door opens and two nurses walk in. "Hello, sweetie." the petite nurse says in a soothing voice. The large nurse has a cup in his hands and a needle with clear liquid in it. He hands the cup to her and she swallows them whole. She puts out her arm and he sticks the long needle into her flesh. He pushes the end and emptys the liquid into her system. He tapes a cotton ball to her arm and they left.

"Do you have to do this every day?" I ask. She nods. "It's no big deal really. They're just trying to keep me sane."

At night, she says that zombies try to break into her window but she tells them too shoo and they go away. "Dumm wenig raum..." she mutters. "Zoe, you can still speak German?" I ask. "Ayana, just because i'm a phyco doesn't mean i'm stupid ." she says. I look down. "I'm sorry......" She hugs me. Soft and gentle. "Ich liebe dich...." she whispers. "Ich liebe dich auch..." I say. She looks at me and slowly leans forward, attatching our lips. She kisses me softly, dragging her tongue accross my lip. Then it hits me. I'm in love with a phyco path.

Reviews

[D1218]

That was great but I wish there was more of it :(
More More More :D

[Writer CW Kirkland]

I think you have a good start for this story, but it needs more to really be impactful and interesting to the reader. Maybe Ayana can have a flashback to the day she met Zoe. I like that you incorporated the German language into your story. There are some opportunities for improvement with your grammar and story. First, there are several spelling errors (including the word psychopath in your title). I always recommend using the spell check option before making your writing available to readers. secondly, check your grammar. Two complete sentences should be separated by a comma (i.e., the sentence "He hands the cup to her and she swallows them whole." should have a comma between the words "her" and "and".) Also, you jump back and forth between past and present tense throughout the story and even within sentences.

Again, you have a good base to expand your story, and I think Zoe's character can be very interesting once we learn more about her. Thank you for sharing your writing on the Cafe. Best wishes!