Hope

Hope

A Poem by Treble
"

The title

"
A single seed in a dying garden
To jump into a pool of lava trying to hit the only rock
A single ray of sunshine on a cloudy day
For birds to snatch a random worm aiming for one not poisoned

Going towards what could be a ship or shark
Walking blindfolded in the dark

© 2017 Treble


Author's Note

Treble
Does this make sense?

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747
Does this make sense? ... Yes. Abstractly, it makes perfect sense. And those last two lines almost sing.

Though you may want to consider changing "To jump into a pool of lava trying to land on the only sidewalk" perhaps to "To jump into a pool of lava trying to hit the only rock" just as it may make more physical sense for a rock to be in a volcano than a sidewalk.

As well, perhaps consider revising "For a bird to pick a random worm trying to get the only one not poisoned" to "For birds to snatch a random worm aiming for one not poisoned" just for better flow.

Not that you would have to use my examples, just something to chew on. Good job.

Posted 9 Years Ago


Treble

9 Years Ago

Thank you! I was actually probably 14 or 15 when I wrote that one, which explains why it doesn't flo.. read more

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Added on March 15, 2011
Last Updated on November 15, 2017

Author

Treble
Treble

About
Hi, I'm a young adult, and I love writing poetry and the occasional short story. more..

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