It Ends Tonight

Chapter 11

It Ends Tonight

The night was starting to get longer. The sun set at 6:48pm. It also got colder; 74 degrees Fahrenheit. I was already dusting off my jackets for the preparation of fall.

It was already past 7 p.m. when I finished all my homework. It went by so fast. Clyde stormed in, his phone hit the wall, and he was burying his tears into his pillow. I got up and left the room. Obviously he needed space. I do too.

A lot has been running through my mind. I awakened another beast that would haunt me. I went back to the dark places in my mind, something that I thought I left behind.

The day I got accepted here was the same day my dad got arrested for assault. He had been drinking heavily the night before, and had a few too many again. I slipped in my room to try and avoid his fury because he usually won't come in. That day, he did.

It was all so fast. He threw a glass bottle at my head and it shattered on contact. Before I was conscious he already had me on the floor with his steel-toed boots ramming into my stomach. There was a salty metallic taste in my mouth and my screams sounded gurgled.

I felt like I was going to die that night. I just laid there numb on the carpet floor. Was I going to die tonight? No. That was the worst answer. I was saved. My dad passed out drunk. 911 was already dialed on my phone. I heard a woman's voice on the phone. I drifted off to unconsciousness when I hear her voice. 911. What is you'r emergency?

I have reverted back to my old habits. One thing is for certain, it's all me. I need to be that change. I've done it once and I'll do it again. That gave me an idea. 

I had to go back to my room to grab some staffed paper. The idea just kept growing inside me. I was able to get my backpack and back on the couch in the common room. The notes flowed out onto the paper; a crescendo here, a pizzicato there. It was beautiful what I was composing. I remembered why I loved this. It was for the passion.

Oh! I just had a humongous epiphany. The reason I am...

"Satteo," Clyde whispered.

"Yeah."

"What are you doing?"

"Composing."

"Can you help me with something."

"What do you need?" He leaned over and hesitantly and quickly gave me a peck on the cheek.

"Umm... I haven't done anything yet."

"I would like... for you to... Well..."

"What's going on?"

"I... have feelings for you..."

"Clyde, where did all this come from?"

"Well..."

"I am your roommate and we haven't known each other for long enough."

"Well.... YOU DATED NATHAN."

"No."

"What?"

"He... We... Clyde. We had a moment, but it ended. He and I are too different.  But you shouldn't be concerned, because it's my F****N' LIFE. GOT THAT."

"But I care."

"WHY? I HAVEN'T SPOKE WITH YOU MUCH OR EVEN LOOKED YOUR WAY. WE ARE JUST ROOMMATES."

"Please stop." He spoke in a whisper. His eyes started to water up. "I care because you have been the best thing for me. Look at me. I am still a frail nerd who just does what his parents tell him to do. Do you know what's that's like?"

"Yes. And I..."

"NO. You don't say anything. Both our lives suck in different ways. Apples and oranges."

"Am I broken?"

"No."

"Then why am I the one that needs to be fixed. I got my life on my path. It sucks, but it's my fault now."

"I want to love you, but you put up this wall"

"It's getting late."

"It's time to make a choice. Love or lust?"

"What?"

"Love someone or be used for sex. Like you said, it's your life."

"Let me sleep on it." I knew it was a no-brainer. I'd rather have love than be a s**t. Clyde was right, though. No part of me can honestly say I want to be just using others. But I loved before. It didn't end well. It ended in so much hurt that I couldn't breathe without a purpose. But I could love again. Clyde loves me. I had to respect that. Maybe I could love him too.

So slowly oh,

Let the past go away for

That last tomorrow