You Don't Know Unless You Try.

Chapter 5

You Don't Know Unless You Try.

 Saturday. After the clubbing we did last night I was still felling tired. I still got up and went to the common room. Everyone else was drinking at the club except me and Noah. So in the highest nasally pitch humanly possible, Noah woke everyone up with a good morning. I and the new meats were hysterically laughing when everyone cringed and cussing out Noah.

It was actually the first time I saw Clyde laughing. It reminded me of when I was the new meat.

"Clyde," I asked, "About last night. You seemed like you had more on your mind than your telling. Are you alright?"

He responded with a weak I don't know.

"We'll today's Saturday. If you don't have anything to do, let me take you to the mall."

"What's wrong with the clothes I have?"

"It makes you look like your going to church rather than college. Come on, you could use a gay guy's opinion on fashion. Plus, these guys have a massive hangover so today is not the day to be spending time here in Hillard East."

"Err... Carpe Diem."

"Bulima!"

"You speak Latin."

"Facio."

"Wow."

"Je parle aussi un peu français."

"Ok now your just showing off."

"Oui."

Clyde, Nathan, Noah, Hershel, and I got dressed and out the door to the bus stop. I'd figure they all could come to get out for a bit. I started explaining why I am trilingual, Then Noah got to talking about this guy he met at the club, Hershel started talking about his new comic book, and then Nathan was talking about his poetry slam last night. Clyde was sitting in the corner of his seat with nothing to say.

I could tell though he was fine by a sparkle in his green eyes and a slight grin on his face.

"So tell me Clyde," I started, "what was high school like for you?"

"I was homeschooled."

"Wow that must've been fun."

"Eh. It had its ups and downs. My parents hired a private tutor. I got to take a week off during the summer..." We were all silent.

"What did you do outside of school," Hershel asked.

"Not much."

"We're you kept at home like a prisoner," Nathan added.

"In a way, i guess. I never had time nor access to go away."

"Well now you have a lot more freedom Clyde, and you have the perfect roommate to help you with that," Noah said excitedly. I just shrugged. He wanted to say something else, but the bus stopped at the furthest bus stop off campus. The mall was just three blocks away.

Clyde was fascinated and scared of being off campus for the first time, but Nathan and Hershel were just fascinated. Noah and I were walking with a slight grin on our faces. We took our first walk off campus alone and got lost. I actually met Noah at a restaurant not far from here. I was hating everyone at that time, but he annoyed me by following me everywhere. I made an a*s of myself before realizing we went to the same college. Funny how that worked out.

We entered the mall on the west side and like little children they were off leaving me and Clyde alone. I sort of dragged him through all of my favorite shops and made him try on normal clothes. He looked ten times better, and he was also having fun. He was a little apprehensive about trying on jeans. I bought a closet-full of new clothes for him.

We went to the food court for lunch.

“Why are you doing all of this for me,” Clyde asked before taking a bite of his pizza.

“Fun,” I said, “You need to learn to have fun in your life.”

“It doesn’t pay the bills.”

“Wrong. I could make over fifty-seven thousand dollars a year with music.”

“Why aren't you?”

“I’m in school. I have the talent and the discipline to go far, but it means nothing without the education to me. I don’t care what pop star or rock bands say.”

“It doesn’t work for everyone.”

“Because no one tries. I could do a nine-to-five desk job, but I would probably commit suicide in a month from the boredom.”

“Ok.”

“I have a question for you. What do you love to do?”

“Umm...”

“What could you do for hours on end?”

“I...I don’t know.”

“Look at it this way. When you graduate, what are you going to do with a degree in English lit?”

“Besides librarian,” that made laugh, “I honestly don’t know. My parents had something lined up for me.”

“Ok. One last question. Are you happy?”

"I..." He did look like he was.

"Stop! You..." I was speechless, but I found myself yelling, "I lived a life of misery and I had the audacity to say otherwise. I may be alone now, but I'm happy. I hold my head high and I always have the answer to why. I had a boyfriend like you who lets others choose his path. Well let me tell you, you are gonna hurt people and it will not be pretty."

That probably came from my past. I try never looking back, but I always do.

Clyde whispered, "Your boyfriend may have made mistakes, but all you can do is forgive him."

"He made me an a*s who is happy," I was almost in tears, "I should thank him. He taught me to be happy, but in the harshest way."

"I'd say you are still attached to him."

"Yeah."

"When will you let go?"

"One day I will."

"You don't have to let him go all at once. Let them just fade, but keep all the good."

"Thank you Freudian." Clyde lit up a huge smile, and so did I. We caught up with the others and walked back to the bus stop. Clyde and I were trading worst parent moments and laughing at some of the most little things. How wonderful, he was. He could be the most understanding person in the world.

"Why aren't you a psychiatrist," I quizzed.

"I never thought of that."

"You can register for the class."

"I just might."

We got back to Hillard East around dinner time. Sam and Hank got us subs from a local restaurant and Hershel bought an anime movie. The whole dorm gather and watched movies until well past midnight. We all fell asleep in the common room. I wanted this moment to last.