And This Matters, Why?

Chapter 4

And This Matters, Why?

I awaken to my usual alarm at 5:30am, but for once I did not want to wake up. I have my last round of finals; all of which were not exciting. I plowed through thirteen hours of test and then I crashed on the dorms couch.

Nathan was rehearsing this poem he wrote for a local poetry slam while Hershel was analyzing each line.

"Tears rain down blood..."

"Why?"

"It's just an emotional expression."

"How?"

"It just is. Flames pump out of skin."

"That's impossible."

"Slit your wrist and tell me that."

"Why would I do that?"

"Because that's what you do when you get criticized and over analyzed."

I got quickly annoyed but also slightly amused by a goth poet and a nerd analyzing poetry. They went back and forth for what seemed liked an hour before I got involved with a proper college student analysis. That shut them both up.

Nathan went to his room and Hershel took over the television. Mark and Timmy got back from south campus followed by Noah and Hank.

"Hey, finals are over," I stated.

"Yay. Satteo gonna take us out for drinks?" Hank exclaimed.

"Really. You wanna get drunk after a test?"

"Yeah. And your the only designated driver because you don't drink."

"And with good re... STOP WITH THAT LOOK!"

"No." Aww. He put on a strong pout but I just looked him straight in the eye and said no.

"Where's the others anyways?" I said

"At the club."

"Now that sounds like fun after a final."

"Let's go!"

We took a bus to the historic downtown off campus. This town may have seven bars, but only two clubs. Sadly the biggest club is anti-gay so we went to the ironically more popular Club à la Maison Jean. It may be packed no matter what day of the week it is, but the whole experience is what brings us back.

The music was banging through the speakers and the people were drunk-happy dancing. I was immediately picked up by two girls and started dancing to the beat while being smushed between them. I had to let them down gently when they asked me my number. They both introduced me to their brothers, but they both looked like my ex. A little hard to deal with.

Overall I had fun at the club, got some numbers I'll never call, and at 11:30pm I went back to the dorm. Clyde was waiting up for me in the hallway for me. He was staring at me like he wanted to ask something. We both went into our room.

Clyde blurted out, "Satteo, how do you know your gay?"

Uh oh, the other talk. "Women annoy me. I can't look at them sexually without being disgusted. It started when I was in high school."

"Oh..."

"I was a little bit put off when a guy asked me out, but I'd Carpe Diem."

"Didn't you think..."

"What? That it was wrong. No. I grew to love him like any other guy would grow to love a girl. I didn't grow up around any religious person telling me it was wrong."

"What did..."

"My mother was accepting and my father wasn't. They got a divorce because of me and a whole other boat load of other stuff. My dad got custody of me and beat me. I was placed in foster care for two years where I was bullied immensely."

"Why..."

"Why did I stay gay? Because I am who I am. Question is who are you?"

"What?"

"You aren't gay are you?"

"I'm not."

"You look away from me. You do your best to avoid me. That how I stared out. Look if you need someone to talk to."

"I don't know."

"It's late. Sleep on it."

"Ok"