Ask Later

It is finally Saturday. I was feeling awful. I slept in my clothes on the floor because I was too numb. I am not a gay. I am not a gay. I am not a gay. But I love him. No song can tune this thought out. No amount of chores can clean this thought out. I think I’m in denial. I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. I was suppose to feel disgusted like always, but I didn’t. Why? I couldn’t stand it. I broke the mirror out of anger.

My parents didn’t hear, luckily. I picked up the pieces and stashed them away in the trash can outside. When I came inside, I noticed something was off in the living room. All of our family pictures were crooked on the west wall. On the other side of that wall is my parents room. 1+1 was not clicking with me. It wasn’t until I walked into a messy kitchen that 1+1+1 equaled to my parents had sex last night.

My anger went away for a brief moment as I cleaned the kitchen to Chop Suey! by System of a Down. That song is probably my only favorite violent song. It was almost 11 a.m. when I finished cleaning. I left the pictures in the living room alone. I thought it was a nice way of nagging. All this fun, and yet I’m still sad.

It faded with a knock at the door. At the door was Sam.

“Hi,” I was able to get out.

“Hi,” he spoke as if it was nothing, “can I talk to you for a moment.”

“Um… sure, but can we talk out here. My parents are still asleep.”

“Sure. It’s a nice day.”

“Yeah, it is.”

“How have you been?”

“I never know. I’ve been thinking hard about what happened at school.”

“That’s why I came over. I finally figured out why I’ve been avoiding you.”

“Why?”

“I think I’m in love with you.”

“Me too.”

“After school Monday, do you want to go grab a smoothie?”

“Sure, I guess.”

“Cool. I’ll see ya in choir Monday.”

“Yeah, see ya later man.” He walked down the street to the second to last house and spoke with a man there, and then went inside. He must live there. He lived just down the block and I never knew. He must’ve seen me walking to my house dozens of times. How cute and slightly creepy.

I told my parents that I was going to hang out with a friend after school before walking out of the house. They agreed, too embarrassed to look at me. Walking to school felt long, but wasn’t any longer than any normal day. I drowned the world with Within Temptation songs. When I got on campus, I saw a sign of hope, literally. A church was being built across the way with their poster reading this is a sign of hope. I didn’t know what to say.

I got to choir and met up with Sam. We shared a glance and then class started. I was starting to get the hang of singing in Latin. The bass vocalists sang the song a little off this morning. Our teacher wasn’t happy about it. Class ended on that unpleasant note.

French class was easy for me. I drew a cartoon character on my notes and spoke fluent French when I was spoken to. Il est venu naturellement à moi (It came naturally to me).

Lunch rolled around. Sam was with his friends and I was without one. He left his crowd to sit with me. That put a smile on my face.

“Hey Sam,” I said as I threw my bag under the table.

“Hey. This is a little embarrassing, but what’s your name?”

“It’s Gregg. My friends in middle school, though, always called me Ghost.”

“Ah… Why Ghost?”

“I was bullied a lot so I just tried to fade away.”

“Well call me clairvoyant, I see you, beautiful,” his words melted the world around. I didn’t notice that the girls around us heard him say that. I also didn’t care. It was the first time that someone called me beautiful. I felt self-conscious because his beauty was greater than mine.

“So are you,” I said, “You are beautiful.” I was saved by the bell. Health class was boring. We went over self-esteem. Nothing the teacher said stuck except ”And in conclusion, don’t be stupid. That is health class in a nutshell.”

P.T. was after health. We hit the weights and I was aching everywhere. I was not the weakest in the class, but I did struggle with finishing each exercise. After P.T. I moped up all the sweat, put on extra deodorant, and put on my black stonewashed jeans, a solid red shirt, and an opened black button up shirt. I grabbed my black bands and put them on my wrist then walked out of the locker room.

Just outside the 900 building, I was greeted with a punch to my stomach. I saw Trent tackle the guy to the ground immediately. I was curled over myself from the pain. The guy escape Trent’s grab and ran towards me again. The guy took his knee to my chest before the rest of the football team also tackled the guy to the ground. The guy ran off and I just stood there immobilized by the pain.

I couldn’t catch my breath. I almost fell over, but Sam caught me in his arms. He picked me up like a feather and carried me to the nurses office. I was fading in and out of consciousness as he carried me in, stripped off my shirt, and helped the nurse out as much as she’d let him. I was left with ice and oxygen as a paramedic wheeled me away in the ambulance. All I whispered was for Sam to be with me. I was scared.

I woke up in a hospital bed with Chop Suey! blaring in my ear, but I didn’t open my eyes. Sam accidentally turned the volume all the way up. He turned it down immediately. I smiled. The pain in my chest was mildly drugged to not hurt when I breathed. I felt the breeze over my chest and then it was replaced by the wool blanket. It made my chest burn a little. 

I opened my eyes a little and saw Sam was standing over me. I was drugged up a little so I thought he was shirtless for a moment. No, he had a tan shirt on. I saw my x-ray and no bones were broken, but three ribs were fractured. I had a huge bruise on my torso. I felt like I got run over by a bus then put on morphine.

Both of my parents soon stepped in. They were in tears. I just looked at Sam who was still over me. My first date was stolen from me. The doctor took my parents out of the room and Sam finally spoke.

“I know you are hurting right now, but after meeting your parents, I understand your internal pain.”

“Ha, ha, ha… so it’s not just me.”

“No. My parents don’t care enough, and yours care too much. They’ve been out there demanding the best for you.”

“Yeah… but…”

“They don’t show that love to you.”

“Yeah.”

“That was, like, the second time they came in to see you. I’ve been just sitting here while you recover.”

“Oh.”

“I got you a lime smoothie. Is that okay?”

“Yeah.”

“The football team doesn’t know who attacked you, but…”

“Why did they defend me?”

“Trent was like you, so he empathizes with you. The rest just follow him.”

“Hard to believe he was like me.”

“He met a girl over the summer one time and worked out for her. He then soon got too good for her that he upgraded to a lady. He is the most kindest quarterback I know.”

“Sounds like you love him.”

“No. He is too grown up for me. I like someone still discovering himself. It makes them look like a unique diamond, uncut. You, my love, have the beauty inside that Trent blinds with.”

“Huh?”

“He is too good for me. You and I are more in tune.”

“Just like that? We’ve only talked twice.”

“Sorry, I act on feelings. I can get carried away sometimes.”

“I think it is beautiful.”

“Well get some sleep my apparition. You have school in three days. I’ll see you later.”

“Okay. Love ya.”

“You too love,” he walked out and I fell into the awkwardness I was use to. He visited those tree days. We talk then he would help with my homework. He couldn’t do a lot to help with biology. It was almost comical. Each time he came I was happy, and each time he left I was sad.