In The Mirror

I live a nuclear life. I have a father, a mother, and a sister. It’s not for me. I want to be more human.

I hide to be different. My thought are always internalized. I am creative, yet I can’t express it.

This has never been more evident than today. I pulled out my dusty journal and started writing again.

Daybreak of Darkness

When we overwhelm on darkness

We cannot see it

We cannot see light

Until we look hard

We cannot see the daybreak of

Our own Darkness.

I hide it away. I was afraid of what my parent would think. I hide because they can’t see me for me. They can only scratch the surface.

It’s only three in the morning an I have school tomorrow. I am going to be sleepy all day.

I didn’t sleep at all last night. My mind was ravaged with the thought of yesterday. I had to focus on today. As hard as it might be.

Everything moved slowly. The walk to Choir was heart-racing. I was anticipating what was to come. The discomfort was killing me. Sam was just outside the hall and he just gave me a nod hello. I responded in kind.

Choir went by and by. Sam never talked to me. The torture of silence was like a string pulling me to him. I went to French class. Like always, I feel like a ghost.

At the cafeteria, Sam sat across from me. Trent was to my right and I motioned to move over for him, but he stopped me halfway and sat next to me. Soon the whole football team huddled around . I felt like I didn’t belong.

“Uh… Hi… everyone,” I announced.

Sam was the first to speak. “No.”

“Sam. Give him a chance,” Trent persuaded.

“No.”

“Then why…”

“I had to be sure.”

“What are you talking about?” I asked. All I got for an answer was complete Silence from both of them. I looked into Sam’s blue eyes and he just stared back at me. I felt a sad anger surge through me, so I left the cafeteria.

I went to Health class, but couldn’t focus all that well.

Soon P.T. came around. We had separate locker rooms from the football team, but the thought of him nearby was oddly comforting and frustrating. I was still mad at him, but I forgot why, so I let it slide.

The class went to the gym to warm up and then we went outside. The coach lead us to the football field. I caught Sam running drills. The coach wanted us to run track. Sam blew through drills with power. Coach called me to the starting line. God d****t, I can’t focus.

As soon as coach yelled go, I flew past everyone and ran full speed towards the finish line. I was focused on the end. Out of nowhere, Sam crashes into me, and all the other runners flew by us.

I landed hard on my elbow, making my shoulder hurt badly. It didn’t compare to the searing pain that I felt in my left ankle and my right knee. I got up and soon collapsed from the pain.

Sam got up like nothing happened and motioned to help me. I could barley get back up. He just plucked me onto his shoulder and carried to the nurses office. I felt a wave of embarrassment as he walked down the halls.

“Sorry for running in to you,” Sam said finally.

“Oh, are you speaking to me or at me,” I snarked.

“To you this time.”

“Then tell me, what’s with this attitude?”

“I don’t know. You confuse me too much.”

“How? If anything you are confusing me by avoiding me.”

“So are you.”

“No. I just can’t read you sometimes.”

“Look in the mirror. I can’t see how you are any easier.”

“Because you don’t know me.”

“True. So tell me. We’ve got time. The nurse’s office is still far away.”

“I never fit in, always bullied, and never talked to.”

“Do your parents at least talk to you?”

“Please, they never had helped out. Nor do they even talk to me.”

His tone dropped from pissed to curious. “Are they involved in your life.”

My tone dropped in response. “Indirectly.”

“So does mine.”

We both laughed. We laughed until we forgot why, and then laughed some more. Soon we were trading stories on our parents. We got to the nurse’s office and he laid me on a bed while the nurse was looking me over. Class ended and Sam left me to go home.

My mother soon picked me up and I went to my room.

The pain was going away quickly. I laid back and did homework. Once I finished, I got out my journal.

Mirror

Beyond the person

We see a mirror

Be scared, though,

If you see someone else

I went to the kitchen and had dinner, then I went to bed.