Turning Tables

Bed-Sleep-Wake-Walk-Breakfast-Teeth-Dress. My first day back and I feel better. I didn’t care if it was Monday, I was hyped. The last time I was this excited was the first day of middle school, when the bullying started. Eh, I don’t care. My mom saw what I wore and said nothing. I wore my Skillet MONSTER shirt, black jeans, and my Affliction jacket. Before I walked out the door, I smelt the roses. I don’t know why.

I was not met with repeated history when I went back to school. A girl actually came up and asked if I was okay. It clicked with me that she was in my biology class and we just went off to class together. I saw everyone was more concern than I had imagined. I did, though, made an a*s of myself announcing I was straight. They all already assumed I was.

The day went on as normal. From Biology to lunch there was no trouble. I let my guard down as I finished my lunch alone and went outside. Everything seemed brighter. The sky, the grass, the shiner on the captain of the football team’s eye. He immediately approached me.

“What’s this I hear about you?” His voice slightly rattled me.

“Huh…” I whimpered.

“You think I’ll stand for this?”

“What are you talking about?”

“Your punk a*s attitude means nothing to me. Going and starting s**t about my team is unacceptable.”

“You have the wrong guy.”

“So you aren’t the guy spreading lies about my man Sam? I should kill you for lying.”

“Man, I’m not. I’ve been at home because of my hand. Someone’s spreading rumors about me and him being gay. I’m not gay nor is he as far as I can tell.”

“Lay of Trent,” Sam finally spoke up and Trent backed off. My heart was pounding out of my chest. Trent walked off and Sam approached me.

“A lie is bad. It killed a student here three years ago. The seniors get a little ticked off about lies.”

“Are you okay. I saw you at the hospital.”

“Yeah, I was attacked by a parent. The team pulled him off me, but I slipped and hit my head pretty hard. I get worse out on the field.”

“Why have you been avoiding me?”

“I don’t know.” He stood bewildered and silent. Then, he walked off. I shortly followed. We had World History together. It was awkward sitting next to him. His face was planted in his assignment, and now I was glancing at him. It was indescribable what I felt. It was hard to look at him, but harder to look away.

For some reason I thought of him throughout English 1 class. The class read A Sound of Thunder. We talked about how a little event can cause a whole mess of trouble in the future. I felt sick.

At home was no better. I couldn’t settle down. The family and I luckily went to therapy that afternoon.

I sat in the waiting room for what seemed like hours. It was actually 10 minutes. Finally, Doctor Travis Knight called me in. I was a little apprehensive, but he had so much empathy. I sat across from him.

“So tell me,” he started, “how’s you relationship to others been?”

“Has its ups and downs,” I prompted.

“Are you dating anyone?”

“No.”

“Are you interest in anyone?”

“No.”

“I noticed you are wearing a lot of black. What do your parents think?”

“They haven’t said anything.”

“Tell me, if they did, what do you think they would say?”

“I don’t like it, but it’s your choice.”

“Humph… You seem content, but you’re not. Now tell me, What’s going on?”

“Nothing.”

“Nothing.”

“Nothing,” we sat in silence for a while.

“Have you made any friends,” he asked. I couldn’t answer that. I don’t know myself.

“Seems like you don’t know,” he finally announced, “Let try rapid questions. Male or Female.”

“Male,” I said instinctively.

“Same classes.”

“Yes.”

“Have you talked?”

“Once”

“Like him”

“Yes.”

“Love him”

“Yes,” I said instinctively, “… I mean no.”

“No.”

“No.”

“So yes.”

“Yes…No…F**k.”

“You hate him.”

“Yes.”

“But, You like him.”

“Yes.”

“Sounds to me like you are unsure. Usually people would go to others for guidance, but you choose to internalize it. That’s dangerous. So talk to me.”

“I can’t feel for anyone. I lost my sense of empathy. I judge people too fast. But Sam, he’s different. Just from first sight it was like my faults turned away. I never felt like that before.”

“Look at yourself,” Dr. Knight was being sincere, but attentive. I had to look at myself.