Walking The Unknown Alone

Walking The Unknown Alone

Poems by Mike Tracey

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25 Years 3/15/17

Dad, we still miss you
25 years have gone by
Though it seems like a lifetime
I have been told that I resemble you
That is a piece of you that I am happy to have
My brothers and I inherited your kind nature and big heart
Icon still hear your laugh today
Every year I find a quiet place to remember
And you are with me now
As you were 25 years ago
On the same tranquil Delaware beach
That we watched the sunrise on
I continue the same tradition
Waking up as the world is silent
I walk up the dune to sit comfortably in the sand
Watching the early morning waves is enough to slow me down
Memories of us driving to the ocean came back
Old friends occasionally share stories about you
I welcome the stories because it lets me have you
back for just a little while longer
Though our time was short with you Dad
What we have been given is unforgettable
We have everything good about you inside of us

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4650 Garfield Street 12/13/14

We gathered under a clear sky
To celebrate your life
As I listened to Margaret Imogene's eulogy
Fond, happy memories of your life came to mind
She will always be with us
A significant amount of time has passed
Since I traveled the streets
We frequented as children
The journey led us to 4650 Garfield Street
I always enjoyed visiting you
The last time I saw Aunt Gene was at home in
Rehoboth
You left an indelible impression on us
Aunt Gene, you will be fondly remembered
For your wit, kindness and love
We will keep you close
Rest in peace

For Margaret Imogene Reed
July 3, 1908-November 27, 2014

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A Light That Guides You Home 7/27/15

There is a light that guides me home
When I was lost
The hard truth escaped me
I accepted the magnitude of loss
I knew I would not be the same
In time, the pain lessened
My heart broke when I realized what lies ahead
The future I expected was uprooted
Rebuilding and getting back what was lost had to happen
It did in time
I regret there was not a chance to help you
The world would have been better with you in it
Grief is always going to be there
It just gets easier to accept
I went for a quiet drive
I could not hear anything but the music

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Awakened 5/13/20

I watched the sunrise on a beach
Some days it was by myself in the quiet of the morning
Some with friends or family by my side
I drove into the night with nothing but her and the music
It was all I wanted in that moment
I was surrounded by the stillness of the deep woods
I was awakened
I paddled through the bay in a familiar place
I know it so well from the summers of days gone by
I long for it now
Time stopped there
I am drawn to the beach town for that reason
Some of my best memories were made on that still island
I waded in the clear water near the Atlantic Ocean with my brothers
I slept under a sky lit up with constellations
I let moments pass unknowingly
I hope that I can be in that time again
I wandered into the dawn as a few stars remained
I spent many hours in good company
I have been in the presence of greatness
I am grateful that I was a part of those weddings
Debauchery and unforgettable memories were made
Simple words were spoken with love
I have grieved for friends for many years
I was there when my uncle took his last breath
I faced my dad’s passing as a teenager
My grandparents have gone before me
They are a part of who I am today
I sat silently looking at the early morning sky before my grandfather’s funeral
I do not remember a sky as blue
As it was on that day
Time passes unbeknownst to us
I have made peace with some of the past
That is a work in progress
There is comfort in enjoying the light in our world
Whatever form that comes in for you
Hold onto it
It will go full circle
Then the chaos will fade
I wonder who will hold me together as I shake
I let the tears fall as I remember
I remember the times we shared
Though you do not walk by my side
I will never forget our bond
I know you will reside here forever
In my life
In my heart
In my memories
Together we sang the anthem of our youth
Late nights were shared
They ended with empty bottles
We all walked into the early morning air
The world was still in a quiet slumber
Our friendships grew stronger
Even when days passed without sharing our time
That element could not change us
We have each other

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Fall Is Near 9/2/16

Autumn is on the way
The slight chill will arrive
We will escape from it
To let the spirits warm us
I will bask in the glow of those sweet, meaningful moments
As the surroundings fade away
I am drawn into her beauty,
Her shining light
The atmosphere is now dimly lit
Signaling that it is time to step out into the brisk fall air
The sky is clear
Autumn's distinct smell lingers
Trees sway gently in the breeze
The leaves fall
Bringing the colors down around us
Surrounded by the faint glow of the night sky
I am still enamored by the warmth from bourbon
That does not compare to the glow which emanates from her
As the end of the evening approaches
The world falls silent
We draw closer to each other
To say goodnight with a pleasant embrace

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Hope 10/6/15

I hope the world saw you as I did
I hope you know how much you were loved
I hope you know I still listen to your favorite songs
I did not sleep well after you died
I hope you know I still think about you
I hope you know what you meant to me
I hope you know that your smile made me happy
I hope you know I would have helped you, no matter what
It hurts that you did not ask
Maybe you would be here
I miss what the future held for us
That loyalty is worth holding onto
I inherited their kind and generous nature
I inherited their wisdom
I need you here for the weddings and birthdays
I need you to be here with your grandchildren
It is hard to be without you
It always will be
Life does go on
That does not mean I will forget you
Regardless, there is hope
I am grateful for what I have today

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Lanterns 6/16/16

I have seen days without light
That ended with introspection
As time slowed down clarity and truth settled in
A person can only spend so much time in the dark
When the end of the road comes
There is only one way to go
Follow the lanterns home
They will return you safely
As the lighthouses guided the weary ships to land
The journeys we all have endured
Have awoken my heart to undisputed sentiments
I would be lost without the lanterns, reminding me of where home is
They have become a beacon in the midst of a stormy sea
At the destination's end the lanterns go out
When we leave the sky lights up
My lanterns will burn bright through the darkness
So they will know there is always somewhere to turn
I am simply returning a kindness shown to me
The lanterns will never go out

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Pieces 1/1/15

The most important pieces of them linger
Their laughter still echoes
I will always remember the sound of their voices
And those bright smiles
The road was long as I accepted the losses
The pain has lessened through the years
Allowing me to remember how significant they were,
Allowing me to hold on the memories we made
As well as the time we shared
There was a day when your lingering presence
was not easy to remember
It was difficult to carry them with me
That has eased significantly
I will always have them close
Though they are no longer with us
And occasionally that grief will resurface
I know that I am lucky to have the time I did with them
I am grateful that they were part of our lives
I am rebuilding
I found peace and acceptance

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Recollections 4/18/15

Someday our stories will be easier to tell
The tears will be replaced by laughter
We smile in the spotlight
The restlessness may find a way in
It is hard to adjust to life without you
Pictures will hang on these walls forever
So I do not forget the time we spent
Everything you were left an indelible impression
As we move forward to create new memories
You will always be near
Giving me the ability to recognize
The value of the time we spent together

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Seaside 5/9/16

I remember the first steps I took
Onto the cold sand
It was at sunrise
When we were all much younger
When I saw the sun rising over the ocean
I stood in silence with my parents and my brothers
We drove through the night
Arriving as the rest of the world was asleep
It was our world, if only for an hour
Our family is smaller today
Though they are not watching the sun come up with me
I will keep them in my heart
Nostalgia overwhelms me
Sometimes I am alone as I approach the quiet morning
Sometimes I am in good company
In the silence it seems as though they are by my side
Those moments drive me
Now I gravitate towards my true meaning of home
That safety exists in the family we choose
The peaceful seaside town will always be a part of me

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Sunrise 7/11/15

We left our small town
In the summer of an unknown year
After driving through the night
We walked to the beach
To watch the sunrise
I have a clear memory of that moment
The sand was cold on my feet
Looking out to the ocean
Is a sight I will never forget
Being near the water has always calmed me
Even when I was young
I knew I was witnessing something great
I have not been to the beach in ten years
As I take in the ocean sounds
There is a clean slate
Knowing that I will be visiting soon brings contentment and peace
Unforgettable memories were made on Fenwick Island
I will always have them with me
For now, I say goodbye while sitting under the stars

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Survivor's Guilt 7/1/14

Time has slipped away
I miss them so much
I will for the rest of my time here
Valuable lessons were learned
Under difficult circumstances
They will always be close
I will give it all to the family that are here
It has been hard to live life without them
We get by the best we can
I am grateful to have the time with them
Those days will always be with me
I promise to live with open arms and an open heart
When the day has ended
Sleep will not come easily
My thoughts turn to you
I am lost in the dark
Now what will we do?
Peaceful rest evades us night after night
Unanswered questions run through my head
I just remember you
So I lie awake
Trying to understand the weight of it all
No one was ready for you to go
Your life was unfinished
It will take time to adjust to his absence
I walk through the door
Expecting to see you there
We had more memories to make
We were not finished with you yet
Our lives will not be the same without you
Again I see the somber faces in this room
Again we gather to say goodbye
No one will forget you dear friend
Again we gathered and told stories
We raised our glasses in your honor
Michael, your loss was a little easier to bear
When we were together
Because you were there with us
Now I will honor you
In the best way I know how
They will not be alone
I will look out for them as you once did

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The Dying Fire 7/8/14

The morning provides me with peace
That has been non existent for six years
Everything is still quiet then
The idea of being at peace was hard to achieve
While the fire grew in my heart,
In my head
The fire residing in my head is dying out
Clarity has finally found me
Torment has eased significantly
Being replaced by a light
That healed a broken heart
It has been hard to accept the past
The restlessness is fading at night
Giving me back the ability to sleep
I learned what loyalty is through this loss
Loyalty is an important quality in people
The burden is eased in the moments
That I am surrounded by the good of the world

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What We Did Not See 7/10/16

In the last 24 hours
Reality has begun to set in
The memories of you are constant
I cannot change this
It cannot be taken back
But I will always remember those endless nights
None of us had a care in the world
And we were together through everything
The sound of your laughter echoes
I was hoping for some more time with you
Where do we go from here?
When we were all together nothing could break the bonds
We talked about our favorite books
They are old and worn now
Music guided us along our journeys
I recall the trip to Fenwick 10 years ago
We sat on the beach at night
The stars were bright above the water
Our conversations lasted through the night
There is a book called Off Season, about what the four of us felt that night
It described the true magnitude of being near the ocean
I know you would have liked it
Our lives will not be the same without you here
I hope that peace has found you
There was a light in you
A fire burning bright
I could also see the pain
That would never change the friendship we built
I am having a hard time accepting this loss
The memories of those meaningful years will guide me through the darkest moments
This is goodbye for now

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