WRONG

everyone should be accepted as they are or turn away and keep walking

WRONG

What ever she does or says is wrong, always a left, barely any rights. Her life rides like an ocean wave so unpredictable, choppy, calm, fun, and stormy all wrapped into one messy package. Each day that passes she hopes, she prays the day will be a decent one, she passes on good, but doesn't want horrid, those days are like a bunch of angry, swarming, bees, she lowers her head, hugs her body tight, holding her arms sometimes a bit too tight, anything not to feel the sting but it comes anyway, sometiems unbareable and the dam breaks, her body shutters to the downward pour, her arms squeezed by her hands tighter and tighter, releasing her pain, another day, another hour passes, exhaustion takes over, but her day is not done house hold things to be finished and a child to care for, the sand settles and the ocean is calm for awhile, but the calm and fun days have gotten fewer and fewer in the past years. The home they built, their dreams of growing old together has dust, dirt, and debri everyewhere she looks, it shows the caring has stopped, there is no more meet me in the middle, just going through the motions. Another storm is about to roll in, this one lasts three hours into the dark hours of the middle part of the night. Sleep is all she wants, but istead she's in a bathroom slouched againt the cool tub, legs pulled up to her chst, her feet feel the cool tiles under her feet wishing it was the fun ocean bouncing off instead, her toes curl under as if she's digging into the sand, her safe place. When morning comes two short hours later, she wonders what today will brig. She's worn out, sleep cried out to her, but it doesn't come witho out a penalty. So she keeps pushing through her day. Some days like this one make her feel as if she's in outer space, in another dimension. The person she loves and lives with, today is that person it has been a long stretch since she saw him last, the person she had last night, and over the last couple weeks has tucked himself back into his shell. This man that is here this morning knows how to play with my emotions, prying on my heart; this one makes her think, maybe we can make it work, maybe we will be ok after all, and this goes on for a few days, but as soon as she speaks, all the good feelings, all the kindness, any glimpse of a maybe is gone. Another wrong for the collection, as she thinks this next line he speaks it, she digs around wondering when to talk or to be still, he finally says " just when I think, maybe, you open your mauth and speak". There are no more i love you, wwarm kisses and embraces, just thorns and the angry ocean beginsl. " you're a mental and pysical mess", bang goes the thunder, " biggest mistake was marrying you", crash lighting stikes, that one will leave a mark, " why did I ever persue you after our frist date", bang another sound of thunder, the pounding doesn't end, the last two hurt as much as the day he tossed his wedding band into a draw. from the outside people ask how can you love him, feel anything for him, a single answer, she is holding onto what used to be and who he once was, what we were once was. Last of the lightening comes " how did I ever love you" he shouts, she slumps and walks outside to her swing taking in the night air, the soft grass under her feet, the crickets and frogs play their sonlg, the north star shines the darkest of night, she cloes her eyes, squeezing her arms, pulls her legs up close and the swing rocks soothing as a lullaby, she tries to block out the ugliness and another wrong, but the rain starts slow, this rain is raw and unfamliar. How may wrongs will it take to be right, but the answer to that question will have to wait, another storm inside calls her name, and she doesn't move she pretends she doesn't hear the rumble, shrinking deeper inside of herself, wondring who she became and where did Mr Right go before it became wrong. She decides tonight, no more, she writes her letter of all that needed to be said, another letter to her son wanting all the best but gave mostly wrongs, she just can't pretend, wonder, or take another storm anymore. There's a song in the distance or is it in her head that keeps playing " don't you want to stay a little while", she ignores it as she should of so many other things. She needs to make this wrong, right